A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

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A boy grows up loving tractors. For birthday and Christmas each year he got a tractor toy of some kind, until the age of 17, when he finally gave up tractors and got himself a CD player. One day, listening to all the latest tunes with some headphones, he looks outside to see his neighbour's house on fire. He goes outside to find firemen trying to put out the blaze. He jumps into the blazing house and inhales as much as he can, which astonishingly puts out the blaze. A fireman confusing asked "How did you do that?" The boy replies, " I'm an ex-tractor fan."

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital due to a large aneurysm that has burst in his brain because he walked into the bar.

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9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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What human can fly without holding any thing (exept cloths i dont like inapropeate jokes i dont know it a very intresting quesiton

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A Jew with a boner runs into a wall, what hits first? His nose

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what gets louder as it get smaller? a baby in a blender

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Why did the clown fall off the unicycle? Because I shot him in the face.

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What's red and smells like metal? A tricycle. It's covered in blood.

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? The chicken was locked in a cage and the nearest intersection is about a mile away.

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So an irish man walks into a bar, 10 seconds later he is dead. What happened was there was a sharp piece of metal on the bar so is cut his throat and he bleed to death.

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How do you help a black person find a job ? Tell them places that are hiring.

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Why was the black man pulled over on his way to KFC? Because he ran a red light.

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Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

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What do you call a black prostetut with braces. A black and decker pecker wrecker

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4 gay guys walk into a bar but there is only one bar stool, where do they sit? They go to a different bar

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Why did the man get frustrated searching through a box of forks? He was looking for a spoon.

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"Free to play" Play free "right now" "Free forever"

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Q. Why was the boy depressed? A. Because he lives in a world where apparently all girls are right.

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What kind of a prediction is THAT?

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Where can you find elephants? That depends on where you leave them.

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What's black, white, and red all over? The flag of the Arapaho Nation.

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David Cameron

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British Dentistry

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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