Friend's are like pinguins, they both die when you stab them in the heart.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Have you seen Stevie Wonders house? No. Neither has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Two 16 year old girls are chatting on their way to school: Girl 1 : "hey, is that a hickey on your neck? say, have you been naughty? is it Brian's mark?" Girl 2 : "That's not a hickey, it's a bruise. My dad came home drunk again last night and beat me up for no reason."

thumb_up thumb_down -39

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Whats a never ending Opium for the stupid, mentally depraved un educated population? Christianity

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Q: What do you call a bathtub? A: A bathtub

thumb_up thumb_down -41

What do you say if you wake up and see your television floating around at night? Say,"I should probably get to sleep. This is probably an effect of sleep deprivation."

thumb_up thumb_down -41

my parents let me say words that start with sh and end in it. shit what else could it be

thumb_up thumb_down -43

knock knock who's there boo Jenny had a heart attack due to the scare, she was taken to hospital and died

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Q: Why did the white mother with a newborn baby lock her car doors? A: Because a black guy walked by.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

How do you make a blonde go 'ewwwww'? Hand her a moose placenta.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A catfish could never pass the LSAT because it is unable to perform high-level critical thinking.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why am i so sexy? Because a dog raised me.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

I farted and it smells like rotten ham with melted cottage cheese now dislike this please.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Why was the chocolate black? It's not black you idiot, its white

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Humpty the extreme sized grenade fell off the wall. The universe is now in little pathetic bits.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Hey, I just met you And this is Crazy I have Amnesia I like trains.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

two guys r talking and the one said *i swear to god* and the other one said *u swear what to god what the hell r u talking about i dont even know u*

thumb_up thumb_down -49

cool

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Why did the blond woman throw a clock out the window? She was going through a bitter divorce, and didn't want her ex-husband's things in her house anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down -51

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -51

With all due respect, I do underestimate myself, there is not a single person I know that has not told me that, but if I wanted to, I would not even had to make the effort to have you removed, hell I had to pull favors and owe people things in order to keep you safe. I could have said the rest of you, but had I not known you, had you not been one of my co-workers back then, I would not have gone to the extremes that i did, you are beautiful, but what does that have to do with anything? Do you think that if I did not know you I would go "that one is sexy, release her?" Even if I did, I do not have authority, I work for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What's green, has 4 legs and can kill you if lands on your head? a pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Where does Mario go after you finish the game? Drug rehab.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops