How many tortoises does it take to change a light bulb? One. Just don't expect it to be done quick.

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What color is a red house Red What color is a blue house Blue What color is a white house White What color is a green house Clear

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What's worse than anti-jokes? The holocaust.

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Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

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How do you make something disappear from your hand? Throw it somewhere that's out of sight,

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How do you make a twelve year old girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

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Two guys walk into a bar together. They are diagnosed with a concussion and later on in life have serious brain issues

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What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

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a cat and a duck walk into a pub. the cat enters first and says for the duck to put all of their drinks on his bill. the duck(being a duck)says nothing because ducks cannot speak. therefore the cat shouldnt have been speaking either.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a bmw? I don't have a bmw in my garage.

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What did the cop say to the speeding black man? "Can I see your license and registration?"

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Q:What do you call a black man that got to the moon and back in a space rocket? A: A golfer, he is a pro golfer now!

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Potatoes have skin, i have skin, so therefore i must be a pig

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why did the cow say baaaaa ? it was a stupid cow

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Why cant the asian find his family? His eyes were too squinty

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what did little johnny get his grandfather for christmas?nothing his grandfather died on thanksgiving

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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Why did the little girl drop her balloon? Because she was getting raped in the face.

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Roses are gray, violets are blue; I'm red-green colorblind so I occasionally have difficulty seeing most shades of red or green.

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I make it rain on them hoes, By which I mean I masterbate from my third story patio

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Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a nice drink and leaves.

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Q: What did the two muffins say in the oven? A: OMG we are in an oven, "OMG a talking muffin"

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There was a black guy and a blonde crossing the street. They are not related.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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