How much does a polar bear weigh? Depends on the polar bear and its dietary habits

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Women, "Did just pinch my ass!?" Man, "Yes." Women, "Oh, alright then."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Your mom is so old that her organs are starting to slowly fail and she must be put on life support or she'll die.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

whats the easiest way to kill a baby? let it live a long and meaningful life, prolonging the inevitable death of old age.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

These jokes don't have punchlines.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

"Mommy! Look, I found a turtle!" "that's no turtle." "Oh..."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why was the baby crying? Because he was tied to a railroad track. How did the baby die? He had a bomb strapped to him. How did the bomb explode? It got ran over by a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a black man a asian man and a mexican man? 3 people

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are potentially dangerous weapons that may inflict bodily harm.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A monk went to a bar. He soon came out because he realized he didn't have cash because he left his wallet in his other robe.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's fatter than your mum? Your mum's mum

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got run over on the way there.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the best part about having sex with twenty eight year olds? They've reached sexual peak but aren't yet past it. Plus, they still aren't in their 30's.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

The doctor said to the boy that a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down. He is diabetic.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An american, a mexican, and an asian are on a boat. The boat is sinking because it is too heavy. The people decide to throw off things that they have a lot of in their country. The asian throws rice off the boat saying, "We have plenty of rice at home." The mexican throws tacos off the boat saying, "We have plenty of tacos at home." The american throws out the mexican saying, "We have plenty of mexicans at home."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock Knock who's there docter docter who??? YOU JUST SAID IT DUMBO!!!!!! lolololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololololol

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Did you hear the one about the guy who went his whole life without ever telling a joke? He was still funnier than David Letterman.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Q: Why couldn't Billy breathe? A: Because when the truck ran over him his lungs were crushed.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Today is jessica's birthday and she is turnig 6 She walks in the living room to tell her dad its her birthday. Jessica"Dad, Dad guess how old i am today!" Dad "How old?" Jessica"6 dad im am 6". she walks into the kitchen to tell her Grandad Jessica" papa papa guess how old i am today" Grandad"Well for me to know this you would have to take of your panties" as he tells her she did as she was told. her grandad fingers her and smells her panties. He tells her "You are 6 today" Jessica"How did you know" Grandad"I listen as you told your dad in the dinning room".

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the black guy get a boner? The nitric oxide levels in his trabecular arteries and smooth muscle of his penis rose, causing his arteries to dilate and therefore enlarging his penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops