Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds and it better be there!!" The next morning he got up early and told his wife to come to the driveway. He quickly pulled out a .44 Magnum and murdered her violently. The marriage had been a nightmare ever since they lost their unborn child, and the situation pushed Bob to a place, where he could no longer look at his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A gay man goes out with a butch lesbian and develops a loving relationship, years later they get married and have kids, adopting them from the local orphanage and lives happily ever after.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

*Science Teacher goes into his class* Teacher:MR MCAAAAAAAN! What's the answer?! MrMccann: I dunno sir. Teacher: WHAT DO YA MEAN YA DUNNO?! HAVE I EVER ASKED YOU A QUESTION YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO?! MrMcann: No Teacher:Then answer this. JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN DO YOU KNOW THE ANSWER?!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

It works on whoever I have an emotional attachment with, for example people might be thinking you and I write in the exact same style, but I am actually copying your way of typing (spelling, word composition etc) this because we relate on a deep emotional level with people that like "get us" because they can act and behave like us. This again doubles the effect of the hypnosis, since when I get "super high on trance" and you feel that way, well, we both reach into the same wavelength, literally. Scientists and hypnotists supposedly have no idea as to why this happens, but I know, it is because our brain patterns are so similar, that even though we are at a long distance, your body believes itself to be an extension of mine and the other way around. How do I know this? Yogurt.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Q. Why did the lady scream when she saw her husband? A. Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

96 right now there mad at each other but pretty soon it will look like this 69

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why are women such horrible drivers? Their hair gets in the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

afbn;fjnf;ajnvaf;djvnadf;vvjkfvnfvjalnvjkfvnaeljvknfljkvndfsljvnadfjvndflvkadjnfvldjfnvlakdjfnvldfjnvaldfjkvndfjkvandfvjlkdfnvaldkjvndlfjvandflvdjnvadljfnvdlfjvnadflvjdnfvladjnvdlkfjvnadlfjvndaflvjakdnflvjdakfnvalfdknvljdnflvjdanlfjvnadflvjandfvljkfndvladjkfnvldajfknvalherluhwprgqehgpquetryhpqwiourpqoitqyert9134857wieosdfljkealdfjkgfrgjuy0qo48wriehflqgetarkgjfhjkljgbflgjbfgjbflsdjfbgbkglirueerhigqehgluqeht3qt9384yt19834ty308748574785uifhsldhfljaghlkjfghfldkjaghlkfjdhaglkjhdglkjhfdgioerqoertueroiuytqeuirytqerouityqerotuiyertiuytqoiuerhajvnasdnjkvalfn I stopped reading too.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

thumb_up thumb_down -19

ASUS Live Update has stopped working.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee weegee

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mother is so fat that she will likely eventually develop diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the Spanish immigrant say? Olah.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What happed when the homeless shelter went out of business? -Everyone went hungry and died.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar. An impossible thing because he can't walk.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Whats the difference between a black man and a paraplegic? A paraplegic doesn't walk out on his family

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why do cow say moo? Because you touch yourself at night

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the chicken cross the road? AIDs.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. -It's funny because the robot doesn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

what do you call a man that is hurt? A: you call him an ambulanse

thumb_up thumb_down -21

HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Q:what do you call someone who spends 7 hours a day playing video games? A: Someone who takes pride and joy from gaming

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops