How do you wake up lady gaga? Poke 'er face.

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Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Knock Meanwhile in the basement...an elderly man, who lives a lone and whose children lead their own lives and dont have much time for him, lies on the ground unable to move after having falling down the stairs. He has been there for 2 days. He is frightened and confused, he hears someone knocking and his hopes perk up, he tries to call but due to lack of water his mouths is too dry to do so. He sobs in frustration. Knock Knock [Silence] The old man cries, aware of his fate.

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What did the the water hose say to the man? Nothing, but the sight of water made the man thirsty and he drank to excess and died from dilution of his blood.

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Whats the difference between anne frank and osama bin laden? Nothing. They were both found eventually.

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Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

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Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, and Joseph Smith walk into a bar. Just kidding, no they didn't.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a train? Because she's blind.

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What's worse than seeing another antijoke with "The Holocaust" punchline repeated? The Holocaust.

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Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? No? Well he graduated in four years with a degree in chemical engineering. He worked hard all four years in order to keep his scholarship to the university. Now he leads a very successful life and lives in a large house with his wife and two children.

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im trying to thing of a good joke...oh wait i got one but only one... ok ready?...oh wait...i forgot it again

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Q. What is ginger and ginger? A. a ginger

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If you have 5 bucks and Chuck Norris has 5 buck you both have 5 bucks

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When life gives you limes, say hey! wait a second ,aren't these meant to be lemons? then kill yourself

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Why are people attacking the Jews we gave you so much things like: Television (Thomas Edison) Electricity (Thomas Edison) Weapons (Arvin Humbergs) Wifi (Edcolsin Vinstein) Be gr8 ful without us your nothing

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding Barney the purple dildo!

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Two penguins, sitting in a bath tub. One says, "Pass the soap!" The other says, "What do you think I am?! A clock?"

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why do chairs recline Because they were built that way!!!!

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

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What's 100 times worse that finding an worm in your Apple listening to Justin B. Sing! :-)

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What gets wetter as it dries? Sarah Jessica Parker

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Why did the man get go to sleep? He got hit in the face with a hammer.

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Why do you have to write a conclusion at the end of your paper? So people dont have to read the whole thing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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