Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because the The husband told her to...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 had a lot of PCP went crazy and shoved a gun down 6's throat

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me

thumb_up thumb_down +15

About numbers, it was 180 mg of valium... And I am going to live becausepeople got there in time, my heart never stopped because luck, the doc was only making a joke about me "having ingested enough valium to die at least twice". Sanders, I just got your girlfriend to agree to a threesome, if my banana ever wakes up again, AND WHEN... Thou areth forgiven, btw I sent him a picture of Line`s unshaved vagina, and a note stating: U recognize this? Find out more on horsehead network! Meh His name is Anders something Chattington, yeah for all that know him, guess whose finger is on her unshaven... Yeah, maybe you should not have messed with a guy that can have ANYONE. Ps: Then its your mother, then your sister which is 17 (and pretty 16 is legal here so fuck you Chatty!) and then I SHALL STRIKE THY WITH THE VENGEANCE OF A THOUSAND SUNS! Because you are forgiven, which I cant even remember what means, I mean I know I am typing my experiences here, but thats only because I remember by muscle memory where the buttons are, said the doctor... I can still play Snes emulators... Not, because my numb fingers cant click anything and Line is gone. I TOUCHED HER ALREADY YA KNO! YOU SAW THE PIC, My skin is tan, and... well you know she is here... The best part? She is totally okay with you knowing, sayonara pal, id watch the "fluor" in your mothers pussy the next time you eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Okay, you seem sincere enough, thing is that I trust you, but your buddies, if you can vouch for them, then I at least know that you are putting your stepmother in danger if you decide to cover for your friends, besides you being such an emotional crybaby kinda gets me into trusting you again.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Whats old and has been alone for years. Your dead nan

thumb_up thumb_down +15

why did the Chicken Cross the Road? Why must you question a Chicken's motives to Cross the Road?

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you make a boy cry? Pour soup on his head.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Knock knock. Whos there? I am you dumbass im standing right next to you.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

roses are red, violets are blue, if you want to success, stop being a mess..

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist! Jk a terrorist

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Why did the clown fall out of the tree? He got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What starts with P and ends in ORN Popcorn!

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

what did the man say to the other man he bumped into? sorry. and they never saw eachother again

thumb_up thumb_down +15

A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender doesn't understand him because he doesn't speak duck and promptly calls animal control to have the duck removed.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman come across a magic slide. They each decide to take a turn. The Irishman goes first, sliding down and shouting "GOLD!", and finding himself in a pile of gold as he reaches the bottom. The Englishman slides down screaming "SILVER!", and lands in a heap of silver at the bottom. The Scotsman takes his turn, and shouts "WEEEE!" as he slides down. He gets up and realises what a needless waste of a wish his enjoyment cost him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

knock knock who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How many black people does it take to for there to be a murder? None. A murder is a group of crows,not black people.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

How do you stop a bus? You try to wave down the bus driver, they're usually nice people who will stop for you if you put in some effort and act appreciative.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops