To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

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Who would win if Chuck Norris and God fought to the death? None they are both fictional.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Hello, I am Sergent Henry Orange. I'm afraid your husband was shot down by an enemy aircraft. I'm sorry, he was a brave man.

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Why did the blonde stay in the five-star hotel? She had enough money.

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Why did the duly oppressed individual where sunglasses? Because the sun was bright.

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What's funny? Women's rights.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because there was a gunman on the same side of the path and it would most likely be safer to avoid making eye contact

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When is a door not a door? When it has yet to be created from its base components.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one

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What do you call a person with 4 arms? A normal person. (fore arms) (meant to be audible)

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What did the woman say to the black man in bed Good morning honey

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips can be of multiple colors.

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Why does Rupert the Bear wear chequered trousers? Because that's how the creator originally drew him.

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What do you call a lion eating a gazelle? the food chain.

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Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are dead

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Studies prove that bald people have no hair?.

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Why do zebras have stripes? I don't know.

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If I had a nickel for everyday I lived...... I would get a nickel a day

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How do you tell a crazy man that he is on fire? You're on fire.

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A black man, a white man and a Jewish man all live in the same apartment block. Which is most likely to be at work? None of them, it's Sunday. [L]

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An ant tries to climb and sit on a tube. It couldn't. Do you get it? … I don't either.

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What's yellow and smells like cheese? Cheese.

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What's red, green and smells like crap? Green and red crap.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops