A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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What do you call a Mexican mixed with a platypus? a pineapple

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no

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A black guy walks up to a drug dealer. He asked the drug dealer for directions and went on with his life.

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how did the bling man cross the street? He didn't half way there he tripped and got ran over by a car.

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you know what sucks more than getting raped by a gorilla? getting raped by two gorillas.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

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What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

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What did the 5 year old girl ask Santa for Christmas? A pony.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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What is a chinese person in your house? A human being

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What time is it? 12:19. weren't we supposed to leave like 5 minutes ago? 4. For the mall...

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What's the difference between a Satyr play and a Sedar meal? One is full of horned goat-men, the other is a feast that marks the beginning of Passover.

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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What do you get when you give a homeless man a sandwich? It thrown at the back of your head.

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I once bought a pack of batteries but they weren't included.

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Why did man push another man off of a building? Because he is a homocidal maniac and should be in federal prison

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Jess Burns

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Why was grandma lying on the floor? She just died of lung cancer.

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Why did the man cross the inerstate? Well, he only got half way till he got hit by a truck, but he wanted to, it was suicide. oh ya, it wasnt a man it was a chicken. oh well. They are both dead.

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Why did Hitler cross the road? To get to the other side.

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How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

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Q:What happens to an elephant if he falls from a building with 10 floors? A:He dies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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