Why did the man float in the lake? Because he was dead.

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A very depressed man walks into a bar, sits down, and gives the bartender his credit card and says, "Keep giving me beers until I pass out." The bartender asks, "What's wrong Buddy? You can talk to me!" The depressed man explains that he was fired, his wife has been cheating on him for the past 2 years, both his daughters ran away and became prostitutes, his mother died after choking on his father's Genitals and the father had just been diagnosed with both brain and testicular cancer and will die within the week, his sister was kidnapped and sold into a sex slave market and has been missing for the past year, his brother confessed to being gay and committed suicide with his lover (male) after learning that their state did not accept gay marriage. He pauses to drink his beer, then continues on to say that he has been convicted of sexually assaulting a child even though he was innocent, his dog had just been run over by a tractor trailer with no physical body left to bury, his cat had gotten stuck in the garbage disposal and he turned it on without knowledge that the cat was sleeping inside. The man looks at the bartender and started to laugh and cry at his misfortune, he then said,"... And to top it all off i just spent the past 2 hours explaining this to a deaf bartender!" The man then went home and hung himself on the telephone pole outside his house. At the funeral only the bartender,who attended, spoke on his behalf, reciting the man's terrible life, then ending by saying, "This man death has motivated me to search for a cure to this rare Delusional Disorder."

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Q: What do you call a unicorn on a mountain? A: Freaking sick.

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no

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Why doesn't Santa have any children? Because Santa doesn't exist.

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Why did Hitler smell the flower? Chicken dick.

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A black man killed someone

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A man walks into a bar, orders a few drinks and becomes drunk. the bartender calls a taxi and the man is driven home.

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How many jews can you fit in a buick? 6...only if you squeeze 4 in the back.

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One, it's just a lightbulb

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Why did the man go to Chinatown? Because he was hungry.

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What did the 5 year old girl ask Santa for Christmas? A pony.

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What starts with C and ends with UNT. Ciretrunt

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A pregnant woman takes the bus, once inside she realizes that there are no seats. No one was pollite enough to let her sit down so she felt pretty uncomfortable on the way home.

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What is a chinese person in your house? A human being

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

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A guy walks into a bar. He order three drinks and hands them to the lady behind him. It's because she is an alcoholic.

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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Hey dude ask me if im a tree!? Are you a tree? No

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Why did the man cross the inerstate? Well, he only got half way till he got hit by a truck, but he wanted to, it was suicide. oh ya, it wasnt a man it was a chicken. oh well. They are both dead.

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What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A pilot.

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How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

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What's the difference between uranium and plutonium? Blast radius

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What's green and wheels? Your mom.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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