Q: How do you get a one armed Pollock out of a tree? A: Call the fire department.

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What do you call a video game nerd who insists on sitting at home all day not going out or thinking of others except for beating the level or killing the creature or leveling that skill or completely ignoring his civic duties? Accepted

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A horse walks in a bar. Several people leave seeing the potential danger in the situation.

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The iPhone5. It's kinda Gay

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Why did Tina's parents stop calling her? Because they died

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A dwarf walks under a bar.

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knock knock. who's there greench greench who greenchicken feathers

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Andrew Wang getting a girlfriend.

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A joke

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roses are red, Violets are blue, i have a gun, Suck my dick

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Q: what do you call a guy named Aaron? A: Aaron

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What do you call an Iraqi man steering the plane? a pilot, you racist.

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I Love Hitler.

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The Theory of Relativity, proposed by the Jewish physicist Albert Einstein (1879-1955) in the early part of the 20th century, is one of the most significant scientific advances of our time. Although the concept of relativity was not introduced by Einstein, his major contribution was the recognition that the speed of light in a vacuum is constant and an absolute physical boundary for motion. This does not have a major impact on a person's day-to-day life since we travel at speeds much slower than light speed. For objects travelling near light speed, however, the theory of relativity states that objects will move slower and shorten in length from the point of view of an observer on Earth. Einstein also derived the famous equation, E = mc2, which reveals the equivalence of mass and energy. When Einstein applied his theory to gravitational fields, he derived the "curved space-time continuum" which depicts the dimensions of space and time as a two-dimensional surface where massive objects create valleys and dips in the surface. This aspect of relativity explained the phenomena of light bending around the sun, predicted black holes as well as the Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation (CMB) -- a discovery rendering fundamental anomalies in the classic Steady-State hypothesis. For his work on relativity, the photoelectric effect and blackbody radiation, Einstein received the Nobel Prize in 1921.

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Global Warming.

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What do you call a 30 year old man with a large white van full of kids? A parent carpooling to the soccer game.

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apple pie.

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An Unicorn walks into a club, the bartender promised to quit drugs and thanks to that his family didn't fall apart and he lived happily till he was 89 when he passed away surrounded by loved ones.

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Why was the farmer buried in a grave on the top of a hill? He had died and this would be his final resting place.

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Whats worse then nailing ten babies to a tree? Nailing one dead baby to ten trees.

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How did the man become sterilized? Blow-dart through the testicle.

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I'm Spartacus

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? An apple in your anti-joke

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Knock Knock Who's there A pile up A pile up who

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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