Q: What do you get when you cross and owl with a bungie cord? A: My ass

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A baby seal walks into a bar. Animal services are called and the seal is returned to its natural habitat. A man then beats it dead with a blunt object.

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In the future... "Hey Apple! Hey, hey Apple!" "What the heck, Orange! You've been doing this for the last 10 billion years!"

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- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

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What did God say to the Priest? Nothing, there is no God

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how do you torched helen Keller? put her Ina round room and tell her the bathroom is around the corner

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what do you call it when a leopard starts losing its spots? leopard-osy! submitted by: pukey mcshakes

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Teacher: Be creative and original! Student A: Teacher, why do you want us to change our monikers? I'm fine the way I am. After all, I'm unique... just like everybody else... Teacher: Why don't I have the brilliant children? Student B: Chance/randomness plays a large part in our everyday lives. Take for example the life of Bob- a paragon for human normality. He gets up in the morning each and every single day to be greeted by an arbitrary occurrence. Although it sometimes serves Bob good, it could also aggrandize his human well of detriment. Teacher, do you want me to continue? Teacher: I retract my earlier statement. Some of the children are brilliant, but most are not. Hence I'm going to say that I have a normal class of students. Student B: Teacher, you didn't answer my last question of which I addressed to you specifically.

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is this love , is this love , is this love , that im feeling , no bob im afraid its cancer.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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roses are read violets are blue u suck and ur gay

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A man walks into a bar. He breaks his neck and his insurance provider hikes up his interest rate.

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Who looks like Zach Efron? Shrek.

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Why is Jesus not real? Because Chuck Norris is still alive.

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What did the old man say to his grandson before he kicked the bucket?? "I wonder how far i can kick this bucket..."

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-Why Peter is going to mall for buying some beer? -Because he was 18 and he was able to do it.

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What did the man do after a bad day at work? He went home and beat his wife

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Why did Dave buy a playstation? Because he wanted one.

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Your mom is so stupid that she failed out of high school and was forced to prostitute for money, thus resulting in you.

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What is Cleopatra's favorite cookie? A: Chips Ahoy

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Why was the deaf boy crying at Christmas? He got an iPod.

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Knock, Knock Open the fucking Door

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Roses are red, violets are blue. Except, technically, violets are violet.

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Joey and Jack walked into a bar, and proceeded to have gay sex on the floor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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