Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a pedophile.

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One penguin says to another penguin, "It looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin says, "Yea, I have to go to dinner party later."

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A bear walks into a bar. Mauls every one in it, then is shot to death by animal control.

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There were a boy with cancer, and when a said "were" is because he is dead now

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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What do you call a black man flying a plane? Answer: A Pilot

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Wanna hear a joke? No.

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What's the difference between a Satyr play and a Sedar meal? One is full of horned goat-men, the other is a feast that marks the beginning of Passover.

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What's black and white and red all over? A Giant Panda that has been killed by poachers.

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I like boys!!!!! CC

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Magic Johnson has AIDS

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Why did Johnny fall off his bike? He was shot.

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womens rights

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a guy walks into a bar. unexpectedly, a terrorist walks in and shoots him in the head. After lots of therapy he can now go back to his average life.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was wearing a shirt depicting a skull, something six had an irrational phobia of.

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what did the orphan get for Christmas? a family

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Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He didn't have any arms.

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What didn't last long? You in the bed

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AND

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Roses are gray Violets are gray I'm a dog

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Q: How did the hispanic youth express his irrational fear of snakes when he watched, "Snakes: The Life of These Tranquil Creatures"? A: He screamed and burst into an uncontrollable bout of agitating laughter invoked by his natural uneasiness at having witnessed something very disturbing indeed.

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What is the difference between therapist and the rapist? A space.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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