What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice.

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What's worse than 20 babies stapled to one tree? One baby stapled to 20 trees.

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Q : Why did the girl fall off the swimset ? A : Gravity pulls smaller masses towards larger masses, so the girl being the smaller mass, got attracted to the bigger mass, AKA the Earth, and that's why she fell.

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make me a sandwich!

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Whats worse then nailing ten babies to a tree? Nailing one dead baby to ten trees.

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whats the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? i dont have a ferrari in my garage

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What's worse that finding a worm in your apple? Finding 2 worms in your apple.

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How do you stop an assassin? Kill their target

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We were hooking up and her mom walked in, i stood up, apologized and left

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Ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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Two Mexicans walk into a police station... they don't come out!

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Why was Hitler a bad person? He cheated at boggle.

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A man comes home late from work what does he find? His wife and children murdered.

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How do u make a plumer cry? You kill his family!

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Police. Your mom is dead.

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What do you call a black man in an expensive car? A licensed driver.

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o | ,'~'. / \ | ____|_ | '___,,_' .----------------. | ||(o |o)| ( KILL ALL HUMANS! ) | ------- ,----------------' | _____| -' \ '####, ------- /________\ ( ) |) '_ ' ,------|\ _ /_ / | |_\ || /_ /| | o| _\ _|| /_ / | | |\ _\____//' | ( ( | | | (_,_,_,____/ \ _\ | ------| \ _\|_________| \ _\ \__\\__\ |__| |__||__| ||/__/ |__||__| |__||__| |__||__| /__)/__) /__//__/ /__//__/ /__//__/. .' '. '. (_kOs____)____)

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what do you do when you see a priest in a bar? tell him that is un richeous and he shall pay for his sins right before you kill him

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son, you're adopted.

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A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was tied to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and they cut his head off

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One kid clicks his pen. The kid sitting next to home clicks his pen. They next 3 kids click their pens. The teacher walks by and says "monkey see monkey do." And the kid that first clicked his pen responded and says "monkey pees all over you."

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Q. What red and scratches glass A. a baby in an oven

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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