How do you tie your shoes underwater? In a submarine

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What do you call a black man with a gun? A police officer.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a worm in your other apple.

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What do you call a video game nerd who insists on sitting at home all day not going out or thinking of others except for beating the level or killing the creature or leveling that skill or completely ignoring his civic duties? Accepted

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I like your hair

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A horse walks in a bar. Several people leave seeing the potential danger in the situation.

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How do you make a bird drop a worm? Wring it's neck. P.S: If that anti-joke didn't persuade you to vote thumbs up for this post, then perhaps these delightful lyrics will convince you otherwise. I see them staring back at me They know my name The faces in the sky are looking for something more My friends have paper smiles and laugh at me in all my trials Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia My friends have hollow eyes They're made of shapes and curvy lines Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow [. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elena-siegman-lyrics/pareidolia-lyrics.html .] My pareidolia The loneliness is only missed when I am alone O yeah I might try to find my light tonight Hide my sight from eyes I try to fight My nine eyes of light die by the blight Ride white knight unite my plight tonight They're inside me They're inside me I'm inside out I'm inside out They're all around Within without Within without They're inside I'm outisde They're all around They're all around They're inside me I'm inside out They're all around Within without It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia la lalala lalala lalala lala

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar. Someone asks for his autograph to which he replies. "Sure"

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A guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "what do you want to drink" the guy says "a blue moon"

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roses are red, Violets are blue, i have a gun, Suck my dick

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Whats similar between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What's black and white and red all over? A post-racial communist country.

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Female Athletics

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a man walked into a bar and said ow

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Why arnt black people alowed in bars? Because monkeys don't drink beer! DER DA DER.

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what did the girl say when she got a ring? OHHH look i got a ring!

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I love you.

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You have three biscuits. Your friend eats two. How many biscuits do you have? A: 3 Your friend is bulemic so he throws them both up, so you still have them.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive a bus? Because she's dead

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Whats worse then nailing ten babies to a tree? Nailing one dead baby to ten trees.

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An Unicorn walks into a club, the bartender promised to quit drugs and thanks to that his family didn't fall apart and he lived happily till he was 89 when he passed away surrounded by loved ones.

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am man walks into a bar, and suffers from brain damage

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I'm Spartacus

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What is the difference between a dog and a North Korean tank. When I see a dog I think wow, what a cute dog. When I see a North Korean tank I run away screaming, as do many others, and I hope the marines come and save us.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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