Two peanuts are walking down a dark alley. One was a honey roasted.

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Scott

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How can you avoid being hit by a car? Don't get in the way.

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Man: "Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?" The waiter shrugs and walks away. The restaurant is subsequently shut down because the man was a health inspector and also found evidence of rodents in the kitchen.

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What is green, ugly and can't empty his bowels without exerting a tremendous amount of energy? A constipated, ugly, green thing.

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A man sees a giant talking frog walk into a store. He later dies due to an overdose of LSD.

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Why was the protester tied to a tree? They were tired of him protesting.

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What's the difference between being gay and being homosexual? Nothing really. The two words are synonyms so try can be used interchangeably.

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tim tebow is a great quarterback

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Why are there no more monkeys jumping on the bed? I shot them all.

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What do you call a dog with no arms or legs? It doesn't matter. You can call him anything you like, but he won't come running to you.

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A straight-A star quarterback was about to throw the game-winning pass during the final game of his school's season. If he got this pass their undefeated record would have been completed for the last 50 years. Before he threw the pass, he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

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Asians...

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why does renee suk at tetris? i dont know thats why im asking

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how do you torched helen Keller? put her Ina round room and tell her the bathroom is around the corner

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Q: What did the man say to the sexy female nurse with long hair and big breasts? A: I have diarrhea.

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Q:Why did the rockstar put rollerskates on his rocking chair? A:Because he wanted people to see him rocking and rolling on it.:)

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What do you call a mummy that falls into the Nile? Wet

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What's longer - 'an african american phallus' or 'a micronesian sphincter'? 'An african american phallus has' 24 letters as opposed to 'a micronesian sphincter' at 21 letters, so it is longer.

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Whats similar between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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Why couldn't the kid go into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13 and he was only 11!

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Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

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Q: whats worse than a worm in an apple? A: being raped by a giant scorpian

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The Mets win the World Series

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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