There is an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman and they are climbing up a mountain, when they reach the top and decide to climb down again.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

A man walks into a room with a sly grin on his face, "Tom, have I got a joke to tell YOU!" Tom hurriedly shoos Susie into her bedroom and tells her to lock the door and not open it no matter what. Tom turns to the man, "I've told you twice before to never come back here, I'm beginning to think that you probably don't take what I say very seriously because you might have some sort of chemical imbalance or something in your head, or maybe you're obsessed with my family or something!" The man hangs his head in shame and agrees with Tom, but Tom still had to do something about the intruder so he called the cops. The cops took him to get psychologically analyzed, but Tom didn't know this because he only cared that his daughter Susie was safe and he also doesn't have access to the testing facility's records. Tom is an only father.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

What did the gay guy get for Christmas? AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Women's rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

Have you seen Stevie wonder's new mansion? No..... Either has he

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Math problem: You have 50 candy bars and decide to eat 45. What do you have now? Diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

One penguin says to another penguin, "It looks like you are wearing a tuxedo." The other penguin says, "Yea, I have to go to dinner party later."

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

thumb_up thumb_down +42

A bear walks into a bar. Mauls every one in it, then is shot to death by animal control.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Whats worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one at the bottom.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

shoe and shoelace. one is meaningless without the other

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What's the difference between a Satyr play and a Sedar meal? One is full of horned goat-men, the other is a feast that marks the beginning of Passover.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A woman walks into a bar. She is pregnant and gives her baby fetal alcohol syndrome.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

I like boys!!!!! CC

thumb_up thumb_down +34

womens rights

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did Johnny fall off his bike? He was shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was wearing a shirt depicting a skull, something six had an irrational phobia of.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? He didn't have any arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What didn't last long? You in the bed

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Q: How did the hispanic youth express his irrational fear of snakes when he watched, "Snakes: The Life of These Tranquil Creatures"? A: He screamed and burst into an uncontrollable bout of agitating laughter invoked by his natural uneasiness at having witnessed something very disturbing indeed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

-hey sam look what mom gave me for christmas -what eli? -a new baseball bat -thats your prosthetic leg silly

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Jews who wear penny loafers...

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's that smell? Your grandmother being burned alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Oh hey is your dad good at golf? No, he's not really good at anything except lying.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops