How do you kill a blonde? Stab her 64 times in the chest.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." They were moose tracks.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Rick Perry.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

how do you kill a rich blonde? give her black die

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did suzy fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Whos there NOT SUZY!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down +16

does your face hurt? yeah, neither does mine.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

What did the pauper want for Christmas? Money

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call a mummy that falls into the Nile? Wet

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Look at your hand. Made you look!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you make a bird drop a worm? Wring it's neck. P.S: If that anti-joke didn't persuade you to vote thumbs up for this post, then perhaps these delightful lyrics will convince you otherwise. I see them staring back at me They know my name The faces in the sky are looking for something more My friends have paper smiles and laugh at me in all my trials Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia My friends have hollow eyes They're made of shapes and curvy lines Their eyes are everywhere and see everything what do They need me And I need them See me And I see them Within The lines they've been burned in my mind It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow [. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/elena-siegman-lyrics/pareidolia-lyrics.html .] My pareidolia The loneliness is only missed when I am alone O yeah I might try to find my light tonight Hide my sight from eyes I try to fight My nine eyes of light die by the blight Ride white knight unite my plight tonight They're inside me They're inside me I'm inside out I'm inside out They're all around Within without Within without They're inside I'm outisde They're all around They're all around They're inside me I'm inside out They're all around Within without It all ends so violently I know My sweet pareidolia It all ends so painfully and slow My pareidolia la lalala lalala lalala lala

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did one retarded person say to another? asiuasdhfiusanklasndfkjlnknankjas

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did God say to the Priest? Nothing, there is no God

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call your mother? Mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats the difference between a Jew and a pizza? the pizza wont scream when you put it in the oven.....

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart but your body rejected the transplant and you died.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was being raped by a giant scorpion

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Female Athletics

thumb_up thumb_down

To girl in a bar: Grab your coat love... It's cold in my basement.

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo mama is stupid that she has an IQ below 70 and can be classified as mentally retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down

apple pie.

thumb_up thumb_down

So, a blind man walks into a bar with assistance from his friend. He orders a drink and the bartender complies. He then spills his drunk and then slips in it. He lays on the floor, his head hurting. He cries, knowing he never should've tried to stare at the sun for ten seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Roses are red Violets are blue

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Your mama's so fat that we couldn't catch the cancer early and it gave her crippling weight problem. I'm so sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops