Q: what do you call a phone that's fake? A: a phony...

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One day a girl comes home crying to her father. Father, Father! She says, a boy i met touched my shoulder! Like this? Her father says and touches her shoulder. Yes just like that, a bad part was that he kissed me on my lips! Like this? her father says and kisses her on the lips. Yes just like that but the WORST thing was he stuck his you know what into my you know where. Like this? Her father says as he sticks his you know what into her you know where. Yes just like that father but he had AIDS! ......( Awkward silence)..... oh shit.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock knock. 'Who's there.' The chicken.

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What did the guard say to the... I was going to finish this anti-joke but I took an arrow to the knee.

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Why can't Sally ride her bike? Because Sally is eight months old and doesn't even understand what a bike is.

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There once was a man from Nantucket I raped him. The End.

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3 aliens landed on earth. They all wanted to learn english. The first alien went to an opera class and learned "mi mi mi mi mi." The second alien went to a military camp and learned "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The third alien went to a candy shop and learned "he stole my lollipop!" After all of that, they went to their spaceship and saw a dead man and a cop that said, "which one of you three killed this man?" The first alien said "mi mi mi mi mi." The cop said "what did you kill him with?" The second alien said "guns and bazookas, guns and bazookas!" The cop then said "why did you kill him?" The third alien said "he stole my lollipop!"

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So I showed my friend my blind dog. He said, "Wow I've never seen a blind dog before!" I said, "they havnt seen you either."

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Why do asians have such thin eyes? Genetics

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How do you kill a black guy? Shoot him in the temple

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Hitler. lol, sucks.

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Roses are red Violets are red I stabbed the gardener.

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Why did the young man have a young woman do cart wheels when he was in his tree house watching her do them on the ground? Who knows?He never shared his feelings.

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Why did the orange have to wear a tie to the party? Because Rodric the Pear suggested it.

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Whats something only kids wear? Clothes

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I was walking down the street one day when suddenly, a chicken crossed the road. Apparently it wanted to cross to the other side.

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What is the loneliest number to exist? Zero. Except it's not lonely. I'm just saying there are zero lonely numbers. Numbers aren't sentient. They can't feel loneliness.

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What is the most dangerous gull in the world? A gull with a machine gun!

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black

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Knock knock, Whos there Nig.ger Nig.ger who Fu.ck all nig.gers.

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Why did William go home. His mother called and they were having a potroast

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What is the difference between a rose and a grape? They are both purple.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, the lightbulb was never out

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This is a joke for Homeless people:

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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