What is the loneliest number to exist? Zero. Except it's not lonely. I'm just saying there are zero lonely numbers. Numbers aren't sentient. They can't feel loneliness.

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i have cancer

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Arsonist: Hey, did you listen my mixtape? It's really FIRE.

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What did one terrorist say to another? You first.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One.

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What did the doctor say to his dying patient? Shit happens.

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Knock, knock Who's there? You're adopted...

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Why couldn't the baby walk through the door? Babies can't walk

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Doesn't matter, the lightbulb was never out

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What do you call something round and red that tastes like a tomato and shoots through walls? A Super Tomato. And what do you call a banana that shoots through walls? A banana trying to be a Super Tomato.

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A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

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Last time I heard that I dropped my i-phone

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A jew goes to a bar,then wakes up with presents under his candels.

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A dog walks into a bar. A patron checks its tags and promptly calls the owner.

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Why can't Sally ride her bike? Because Sally is eight months old and doesn't even understand what a bike is.

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A couple arrived at Hospital in less than 3 hours. but actually they wanted to go to the Church...and 3 hours is quite a long time...

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Knock Knock. Peep Hole!!

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What do you call a Muslim woman driving a plane? First, you don't "drive" planes you "fly" them. Second, you should address her as Ma'am, Captain, or Pilot.

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A fairly-priced Apple computer.

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Why do asians have such thin eyes? Genetics

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Why DIDN'T the skeleton cross the road? ..He didn't have any private parts

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Hi my name is Bob

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Why didn't Hellen Keller just wear glasses? Oh wait

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What is the difference between a rose and a grape? They are both purple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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