Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. I cut off his leg.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Why did the man push open the door? The sign said PUSH.

thumb_up thumb_down +52

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The customers observing this quickly leave because the bartender is talking to a horse, which does not talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

What did the blonde say to the priest? Probably something stupid due to the fact that she's blonde.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

A: Knock Knock! B: Whos there? A: Its the f**king cops we have you surrounded.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a Muslim woman driving a plane? First, you don't "drive" planes you "fly" them. Second, you should address her as Ma'am, Captain, or Pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Knock knock! Who's there? Atch! Okay.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why couldn't Spiderman pay his rent? He didn't have enough money.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What do you call a black guy with a shotgun? A fine American citizen exercising his 2nd Amendment right.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats a cat? A cat!

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Knock Knock Who's there? Nobody. You'reschizophrenic and are hearing things. Go see a doctor. Now.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Where should a 500 pound alien go? On a diet.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Q: Jeff has 10 cookies, He eats 9. Now what does he have? A: Diabetes, Jeff has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Walk in to a room and sing "if you're deaf and you know it, clap your hands!"

thumb_up thumb_down +18

- Why did the black man turn off the TV when he saw 2 guys kiss each other? - He was late to the gay-party around the corner.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the Long face" The horse then storms out of the bar, wondering why every bartender must ask him that.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

I went to a magic show and the magician asked for my watch... He took the watch and then produced a doughnut... Guess what was in the doughnut? JAM!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall? Nothing. Fish cannot speak

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I have a knock knock joke. You start.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why do priest touch children? They are sexually deprived and frustrated because their religion forbids them from having a normal sexual relationship with the opposite sex.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Amedeo Clemente Modigliani was an Italian artist who worked mainly in France. Primarily a figurative artist, he became known for paintings and sculptures in a modern style characterized by mask-like faces and elongation of form. He died in Paris of tubercular meningitis, exacerbated by poverty, overwork, and addiction to alcohol and narcotics.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

My nipple is bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why do black people like chicken? It's usually fried.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops