Roses are red, Violets are blue. I hate flowers and am making fun of them by messing up this originally beautiful poem about those repulsive manisfestations of pure evil.

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Why did the hamster run around the wheel.? Because he lived in a small cage and had nothing better to do.

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The NBA lockout

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Q: what do you call someone on Anti Jokes A: Someone with no friends trying to find a funny joke to make friends.

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What happened to the public server who went to the 5 dollar brothel? He contracted syphilis and died several months later.

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What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? I don't eat hot dogs. Thank you though.

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a duck walks into a bar, sits down and asks for grapes. the bartender says, "no, we don't serve grapes." so the duck leaves. the next day the duck goes back to the bar, takes a seat. "got any grapes?" the bartender says, "i already told you we don't serve grapes here. if you come in here and ask for grapes one more time, i'm going to staple your beak to the wall!" the duck leaves. the next day, the duck returns, sits at the bar and asks, "got any staples?" the bartender replies, "no, but there's an Office Max next door where you might find some."

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What do super heroes say after they beat the villain? Nothing, super heroes are not real.

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Your mother." "Your mother who?" "Really?"

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What did the man say to the man? Awkward.

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What did the furnace say to the Jew? Nothing, as it is an inanimate object and cannot communicate.

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Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

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your mama is so fat that she weighs 261 pounds.

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What did the Nazi call the Jew? Alex.

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Do not believe the sentence below. Believe the sentence above.

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Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

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What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Lizards are like marshmellows. If you put them in the microwave they blow up.

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what is pink and fluffly? pink fluff

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What did the little girl with no arms or legs get for christmas? Cancer.

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What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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I went to buy some camouflage shorst the other day but I couldn't find any.

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Two guys walk in to a bar the third one ducks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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