A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is white a can't climb up a tree? A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How many Facebook friends does George Bush have? None because he doesn't have a Facebook.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why is Kayne West such a jerk? He has autism.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock, Get the f*ck off my porch

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a black pilot? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

so a baby seal walks into a club...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why is ur cousin gay? because ya dad

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A bass player walks past a bar. What? It could happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

A kid walks into a shop and asks the shopkeeper for a loaf of bread. The shopkeeper says, "White, wholemeal or multigrain?". The kid replies, "No thanks. My bike's outside".

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWERWHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER WHITE POWER

thumb_up thumb_down -40

A small plane is carrying three passengers: a young boy scout, a priest, and the smartest black man on earth. Due to improper planning, there are only three parachutes on the plane. The engines cut and the pilot takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The black man says, "I am the smartest black man in the world. I need to live." He takes a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The priest says to the boy scout, "Son, you take the last parachute. I have lived a full life." After a very touching moment, the boy scout puts on the parachute and jumps out of the plane. Minutes later, the priest dies a horrific death as the plane crashes into the desert.

thumb_up thumb_down -94

What did the priest say to the child.... nothing he just gripped his arm tightly and pulled down his pant

thumb_up thumb_down +101

What's the difference between a duck?

thumb_up thumb_down +51

what's harder than dodging bullets? dodging rain

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Nobody because a sponge is not a who, it is a what.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A duck walks up to the lemonade stand. The man running the stand then smiles with a tear in his eye as he is reminded of when he and his now dead parents used to feed the ducks at a nearby lake every Sunday afternoon.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What's the number one killer in America? Death.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Amblyopsidae, or blindfish, commonly found in caves where they are well adapted to life in the dark.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why could'nt Boris fit in with the other kids? His name was Boris.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Miami Heat.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

It was the eve of December and a man was using a blanket why? because it was cold and he wanted to be able to function properly at work so his boss would not get mad at him because he respected his boss and wanted to make him happy

thumb_up thumb_down +5

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are finally spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinical depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops