what did the schizophrenic get for his birthday? new friends

thumb_up thumb_down +69

What did Elvis say when he lost his voice? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +65

what did the pregnant mexiCAN woMAN say while she was giving birth? A LOT of curse words

thumb_up thumb_down +53

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? An Irish wedding is the celabration of two people joining in matrimony, and an Irish funeral is a somber rememberence of a deceased person.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

What do you get when 100 sex-crazed gays are in the same room? About a quart.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? Because she was blind and deaf. That would be irresponsible/

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do Kenyans do at night? Starve.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Dude, you're never going to guess how stupid my friend Philip is! Really? What did he do?? Nothing. Philip will be attending the prestigious Princeton University next year and is therefore an incredibly intelligent human-being. You're an idiot for believing me.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What do you call a black pilot? Whatever his name is, you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What's yellow and has six legs ? A cat. I may be wrong about the color and the legs, I'm color-blind and I can't count.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. One looks at the other and says, "Can you pass the soap?" The other penguin says, "What do i look like, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did the chicken cross the road? to vote off obama

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Why'd the chicken cross the road? A: to get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is Kayne West such a jerk? He has autism.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

all ur antijoke are belong to us or i mean we can share, whatever

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is E.T. short for? He has small legs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

why cant the black guy vote? because hes not 18 yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

After a long day on the movie set, Lindsay Lohan decides to go out to a bar. She gets really drunk and high on drugs and some guy takes her back to her trailer and stuffs her muffin.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a group of black men jumping off a building? Chocolate Rain

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock Knock. Who's there? The pizza guy. Your pizza's here.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats worse than getting beaten up by a bully? realizing your fly was down the whole time and getting beaten up by a bully

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A cannibal wearing a sport coat, grey slacks, and a pink tie walks into a bar holding a duck in one hand, a chicken in the other, and chewing on a human arm. He is subsequently shot by one of the patrons. There's a concealed weapons law here.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why did the murderer buy a lizard? He thought that they were cute.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops