I'm gonna put my nut-sack on your drum set

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That's a lie, buffaloes are extinct now

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what did the atheist get for Christmas? Nothing. If he was being truly honest to his beliefs, he wouldn't partake in a christian holiday.

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whats red and smells like blue paint? Hank Kovalcik

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Knock knock. Who's there? I just ding dong ditched you.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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What did Justin Bieber get for Christmas? An iPod Touch and a few nice sweaters.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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Why do black people always say to the left to the left... because they don't have rights.

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How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? Scarlet fever or meningitis.

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these jokes are terrible, even for anti-jokes

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why did the puppy have a sticky tongue? because its owner was abusive and made the puppy lick peanut butter from his balls

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what did one caterpillar say to another caterpillar? let's be butterflies

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A man walks into a bar He says ouch

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a muslim walks into a bar, he then remembers his religion forbids the drinking of alcohol and walks back out

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A blind man walks into the door of a bar

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What did the nurse say to the doctor? Boo-hoo, i was pranked over the phone, i'm gonna kill myself now.

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Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's a meaningless question because animals had been creating eggs for millions of years before chickens ever evolved.

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What did the woman say to her husband after he came home from a late night of drinking? Nothing, because the last time she did, she got her ass beat.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping yesterday? He slept for at least 3 hours.

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It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta sex god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender-"Hey we don't serve your kind here!" The duck-"What ducks?" The bartender -"No Jewish"

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Your landlord. I'm here to collect rent

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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