how did the bloop cross the road? to get to the other side

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Q: How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, possibly two if the lightbulb is high up and someone has to hold the ladder.

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how many blondes does it take to fix a lightbulb? 764,983,792,545,653,

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what did one farmer say to the other farmer we are farmers

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Why was the old lady hard of hearing? She spent many of her young days blasting hard rock from her speakers/

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Why did the mans nuts itch he had crabs

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Why did the man walk into the bar? He wast thirsty.

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Johnny has 30 pints of ice cream. He eats 25 pints. What does Johnny have? Diabetes. Johnny has diabetes.

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Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Leukemia

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-Is Michael Jackson dead? - HELL YEAH HE'S DEAD!!

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What's the difference between a cat and a dog? Vast. While they are both mammals belonging to the order Carnivora, and therefore have a loose evolutionary connection, dogs belong to the Carnidae family and cats belong to the Felidae family. There would need to be much biological research done to discover all of the differences that result from this.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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What do you call a redneck in a propane store? A customer.

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? -I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

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where can you find a monkey, a blond, and a bear? the zoo.

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Never mail in your wishes to a genie, he may be dyslexic.

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A priest and a rabbi are playing golf one weekend. The priest tees off first. When the rabbi steps up to tee off, it begins to rain heavily. Dismayed, the rabbi says, "I thought it there was only a 10% chance of rain today."

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A man walks in to a bar. He was hospitalized and died later that day.

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what did the duck say to the chicken .nothing

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Chuck Norris was walking down the street when he was confronted by an armed, very desperate street robber. Chuck unfortunately made the decision to defend himself, and was shot in the gut before he could complete a roundhouse kick. The robber then took his wallet and ran off, undoubtedly to buy drugs.

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Q:I finished my Homework A:thats what she said

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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