What do you get when you cross and elephant and a dog? Nothing, because you cannot breed creatures of different geniuses.

ey can i pick your scabs plzz

Why mommy upset cause wet and sticky make mommy upset

whats purple with fur?nothing mammals cannot have purple fur

Why did the little girl fall off of the swing? She had previously been in a car accident, in which all of her close family died and she was the only survivor. Since both her arms were stuck in between crushed components of the car, they had to be amputated on the spot. She was testing out the prosthetic arms she had been given when they failed, causing her to get a concussion, and putting her in a coma for the rest of her life.

What did the tractor say to the cow? I'm a tractor, you're a cow, go figure.

What's brown and sticky? Poop.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

Why did the boy have no friends? Because he was autistic.

what did one lady say to another lady? we are both ladies

Why did girl cry? Because she recently saw the messy demise of her parent's marriage.

How much stuff would a stuff muff huff if a stuff muff could huff stuff? Whole dang lotsa

No, I still have to make sense of some facts bits and pieces here, and thinking is pretty much the only thing I can do at this moment, so why would my doppelganger wannabe call me from her mothers place?

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. They have a few drinks, then go to a club, where they amuse each other and those around them by completely slurring their words in their already very strong regional accents. Then they get a taxi back to the house of the Englishman as he lives nearest, and stay the night. The next morning, the Scotsman and the Irishmen walk home as they are still hungover and do not wish to risk driving.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "why the long face." the horse says "my wife has terminal cancer."

How you learn to juggle? You ask someone for their balls.

Why'd I have sex with your mom? I'm your father and I love your mother very much

Why couldn't the Hispanic guy become a firefighter? Because the fire chief was racist.

how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

One day a horse goes to a bakery store and asks the shopkeeper for a fresh loaf of bread. Surprised at the request the shopkeeper asked - White bread or whole wheat? To which the horse replied - Makes no difference cause i rode my bicycle to work yesterday.

3 men find a genie lamp on the side of a road, The genie grants them each a wish as they surely deserve. The first man asks for a jet and the genie glady grants him this and the man starts to fly away. The second man says to make a wall around asia and the genie complies. The third man thinks for a minute and finally says fill it with water and as a genie the genie cannot refuse. They all drowned seeing how the jet had no fuel. The genie goes back to sleep and is picked up by an alien 5,000 years in the future, the Earth is destroyed in 7012(as if we didnt already destroy it). The genie survives and currently resides on uranus.

guy 1... "do you no any funny jokes?" guy2 ..."no" guy1 ..."same"

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Clowns do not populate the area in which cannibals reside

What's worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm in it? The spelling errors on anti-jokes.com

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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