what did one farmer say to the other farmer we are farmers

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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What's worst than getting glass stuck in your foot? Rubbing lotion on a fork.

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Why couldn't the dog fetch? It's back legs were useless after it got run over.

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Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

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Johnny has 30 pints of ice cream. He eats 25 pints. What does Johnny have? Diabetes. Johnny has diabetes.

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If at first you don't succeed.... maybe skydiving isn't for you...

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How many polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -One

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Q: What do you call a black person that flies planes? A: A pilot you racist

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Why did the girl fall off the couch? She had a seizure.

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Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

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Rose is Red Violet Blew Mustard is in Clue … What about Moni-… ahhh my eye!

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

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Q: How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, possibly two if the lightbulb is high up and someone has to hold the ladder.

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What did John F. Kennedy say to Kurt Cobain? Nothing. They never met.

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Q:I finished my Homework A:thats what she said

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Why did the monkey fall from the tree? Gravitational force acted upon the monkey who was not holding on to any branch.

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Why did the black guy punch the Mexican guy? Because they were in a fight.

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When life gives you oranges, make lemonade.

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What happens if someones forgets to put the 'anti' next to 'joke.' It is taken by someone else and created into an anti Joke.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What's green and invisible? This cabbage

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What did the guy who had cancer get for Christmas? Death.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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