Why did the elephant cross the river? CAUSE YOLO (even though he died)

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Roses are red My binoculars are blue The curtains are open I see you

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's green and fluffy? Red fluff, if you're color blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Q : What did Piers tell his friend before leaving ? A : Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is the difference in a dead dog in the road, and a dead black guy in the road? One was a dog and one was a human being..

thumb_up thumb_down +19

I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the clerk say and do when he was givng out free food What he did:Gave them What he said:"If you want to get this free, pay $5.00"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A 14 year old walks into a bar. The bartender yells "Hey, no minors allowed!" The 14 year old yells back "Excuse me? Do you see a fvcking pickaxe?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

HEY are you aware of how tired your suitcase is? Sorry, I rest my case.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the difference between a Muslim and a box? A box won't blow you up!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head are trapped on a desert island together After many days without food, they resort to cannibalism. The blonde eats the brunette, and the red-head eats the blonde. The red-head eventually dies once the water supply runs out.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

How do u know someones running? They leave this????behind

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Why did the bartender tell the black man to "Get Out"? It was 4 a.m and the bar closed at 3:30 a.m an honest mistake by the man.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

how does an elephant ask for a bun? may i please have a bun?

thumb_up thumb_down -163

Why did the man with no arms, and no legs knock on your door? He can't, he has no arms!

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Why would someone smile at a tumble weed? I don't know, it's an inanimate object.And is ugly Just like the couch in the basement in That 70's Show.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple? Getting rape.d by a giant scorpion.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

whats purple with fur?nothing mammals cannot have purple fur

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A guy walks into a bar. He now has a broken collar bone.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

If you wanna hear a joke scroll down this page more

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops