One day, I was looking at my brand new wooden table, and I thought, "wow, that is a very nice brand new wooden table." And then my dog peed on it. I killed the dog.

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how does an elephant ask for a bun? may i please have a bun?

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A man walks into a bar and asks "Where is your bathroom?" He is directed towards the restroom, where he then covers himself in toilet paper and calls himself a moose.

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Knock Knock? Who's their. M. M who? Me.

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knock knock who's there? Kallie Kallie who? sorry, wrong house

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So there are two elephants in a bathtub. Elephant 1: "yo can you pass the shampoo" Elephant 2: "radio!"

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Ask me if I am a tree Are you a tree? ..no

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Why did Hellen Keller masturbate with her left hand? Because her right hand was tired.

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What did the Neo-Nazi say to the Jew? Hello.

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What's te best part about having sex with twenty two year olds? There are 20 of them ;)

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Want to hear a joke? I'm sorry.

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Want to hear a dirty joke? A pig fell in the mud.

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banana

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Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

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An American guy, Chinese guy, and Black guy are on a boat. Who jumps off first? Hopefully no one jumps off, especially because the ocean current is strong. They should call the coast guard if they are lost and find a safe way back to shore.

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you know somebody is lying when it IS opposite day.

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why was the boy sad? his friend got hit by a bus.

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A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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Your mama's so old that typical places of business grant her the senior citizen discount.

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A man enters a bar, and says: "It is impossible to drown in an elevator" This is incorrect.

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What is green and fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

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Whats worse than dying? Nothing, really.

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Why did the little girl get a new tricycle? To cope with her father's death

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops