What has four legs, is green and furry, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

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What goes about 36 miles per hour and screams? A baby attached to a ceiling fan.

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*Tell your listener to say knock knock* B: Knock knock A: Who's there? B: *awkward silence

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A rabbi, a nun, a priest, a hooker, a stripper, 2 secret servicemen, a teacher, a midget, a ginger, a rodeo clown, a nascar driver, a homosexual native american, a heterosexual native american, 2 portuguese tuba players, an african american taxi driver, a blind man, his seeing eye dog, a bartender, 2 minor league baseball players, 3 lesbian mexican salsa dance instructors and a dwarf are all in a bar. They all had a good time and the teacher and one ol the portuguese tuba players ended up becoming facebook friends.

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What's worse then dumping your' girlfriend over text? Dumping her best friend over text at the same time.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Michael Jackson.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the poor thing is so confused and is seeking a near by farm.

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Why couldn't the guy find his pants? Because his girlfriend stole them last night

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A priest walks into a bar, which is suprising because priests don't usually go to bars.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have AIDS and now you do too!

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What did the convicted necrophiliac pedophile do when he found a dead baby? He reported it to the authorities because despite his past habits and behaviour, and after years of rehabilitation he became a responsible and considerate citizen

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why did the chicken cros the road? Becuase the all the cars were stopped at the near by red light.

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A man is being followed by a large swarm of mosquitoes. He eradicates them by spraying himself with an insect repellent that has a high deet concentration.

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You might be a redneck if you are an individual a part of a low social caste in a predominately rural area such as the southern part of the United States or a mountainous area such as the Appalachians or Ozarks who may or may not partake in stereotypical activities such as hunting, fishing or farming And who also lives in possibly degraded living conditions.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have short-term memory loss. And roses are red.

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Guy 1: That's what she said! HAHAHA!!! Guy 2: That's what who said? Guy 1: I don't know. :/

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Two Irish men walk into a bar, order a drink and sit down to enjoy the drink and friednly conversation.

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What did the girl fruit say to the boy fruit when he wanted to marry her? "No."

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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How the hell did Susie get on the swing anyway I don't know you tell me?

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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What is it called when a black man does cocaine? A felony.

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What do you get when you put a dog in a cage. Cantaloupes

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Why did the boy punch his teacher? Muscle spasms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops