the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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I hate being bi-polar; it's awesome!

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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A: Knock knock B: Who’s there? A: The police B: The police who? A: Ma’am, your son is dead.

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A man walks into a bar. He had to leave promptly because he, according to the law, was too young to be served alcohol.

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What's the difference between a badger and a TV? Alot.

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Yo mama so fat she sells shade. Yo mama so fat she needs cheat codes for wii fit. Yo mama so fat she in call of duty when a player kills her they get a 5 person kill streak. Yo mama so fat that she is fat. :)

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Whats better than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown suit

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Why did God use one of Adam's ribs to create Eve? He didn't. God doesn't exist

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Q Why is an octopus like a tree? A Haven't the foggiest.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get shrgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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I asked a Jewish girl for her number. she rolled up her sleeve.

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Whats the difference between an oven and a Jew? An oven is a manufactured and creates heat through the power of electricity or natural gas

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What happened to the guy that fell off the building? He hit the ground

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So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

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What do you call a gardener in Mexico? Un Jardinero.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he has Obsessive Complusive Disorder.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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Why did the Turkey cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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