What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven

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Whenever anybody asks me to help me find something they lost, I say: "Look where it is and you will find it."

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A baby seal walks in to a club... That's it. That's the joke.

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Two Irish men walk into a bar, order a drink and sit down to enjoy the drink and friednly conversation.

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when ever i finish a sentence say im a man Me :i met a girl You:im a man Me: i invited her to my place You: im a man Me: we sleept together You:im a man Me:she wisperd in my ear You: im a man

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Why isnt there a womens NASCAR? Because NASCAR does not yet have the funding to start a women's league.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Shes been dead for some time now.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into another apple and finding another worm.

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Why does steve wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black

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Yes.

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Q Why is an octopus like a tree? A Haven't the foggiest.

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So this one time at band camp... a flute gave me an STD.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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From a picture, it is difficult to tell the difference between an apatosaurus and a diplodocus.

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What do you do when a bear chases you? Run.

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The Arrowtongue commands the road like a semi-truck. But the Gyrosprinter corners on a dime.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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A woman comes to the doctor with a dog and the doctor says: -What are you doing here, dog? Get the hell out of here, you're an animal.

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the other day i saw a mouse run across my floor. i said "okay" and proceeded with my life

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there are 2 sausages in a pan. one sausage says "wow it's hot in here" and the other sausage says "MY GOD A TALKING SAUSAGE!!!!"

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If a man without hands is called a handicap, what do you call a man without legs? A handicap.

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How is it you become the true badass you say? Its a very complicated process that takes decades of training, and many failed attempts on before you become the one, true badass on the entire planet. Once you had done it. People will love you forever, there would be parades, parties, celebrations, even a holiday, just for you and you alone. Too bad I'll never tell you.

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What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat? A hybrid animal that can never exist to do each species own genetic make-up which would subsequently reject the other's. I.E. The cat would reject the dog sperm from ever fertilizing and the dog would reject cat sperm.

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If life gives you lemons, give them back. They were probably stolen, and even if they weren't, lemons are a pretty shitty gift to give someone.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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