Whenever anybody asks me to help me find something they lost, I say: "Look where it is and you will find it."

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So a frog and a penguin were talking and the frog says, " I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is we're freezing, but the good news is: We have a conoe!".

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sexual intercourse.

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when ever i finish a sentence say im a man Me :i met a girl You:im a man Me: i invited her to my place You: im a man Me: we sleept together You:im a man Me:she wisperd in my ear You: im a man

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did it hurt when you fell from heaven? cause it looked like you landed on your face

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Chuck Norris is a regular human being, just like the rest of us.

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Why did the car get out of bed? Because the person who owned the car was a total freak and put the car into a bed.

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Why did Doris have no control over her bladder? Because she was old and suffered catastrophic incontinence

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What's worse than seeing your grandma naked. nothing.

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What's the difference between a badger and a TV? Alot.

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Yo mama is so fat, so when she jumped of a building, she died.

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If frogs weren't alive, there wouldn't be any frogs left on earth.

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What do you get when you cross a blond with a plank of wood? A blond with a plank of wood on her head.

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Knock knock Who's there? I'm the Dick I'm the dick who? I'm the Dick Cheney

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What's the square root of 69? 8.306623862918075

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How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

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Q:Why did Billy drop his ice cream? A:He was hit by a truck. Q:Why did the clown fall off the swing? A:He was hit by Billy. Q:Why did the clown's friend fall off the swing? A:He had no arms. Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A:To get to Billy's ice cream.

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*Knock knock* Who's there? Stab.

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My dad went into Home Depot, he went in to get garage door part, he took an hour and came back out with three things.

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porcupines love sun bathing in the winter months so it dosent rape their nose hairs

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Scout? The Scout gets to come home from camp.

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Why did the Muslim guy look nervous and sweaty when the plane took off? Because he is claustrophobic. Racist fucks

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What does Megatron say when a video game takes forever to load? "You have failed me yet again, Start Screen!"

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Guy 1: So who did you have sex with? Guy 2: I was Fucking Austria. Guy 1: What do you mean? Guy 2: Look it up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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