Knock Knock. Who's there? Nevermind.

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So two friends walk into a bar. One says to the bartender, "Get me a Miller Lite please." The bartender says, "Sure." The other friend says, "Get me a Cosmopolitan please." The bartender stares at him and says, "That is not the drink I was expecting you to order, but I respect your decision."

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di you hear about the man that got his whole left side cut off? no well he died

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What did the Englishman say to the Irishman? "I am from England"

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Womens Rights.

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How did bob Marley quit doing Drugs?

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Why'd Sam run away Because charlie bit his finger

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Nothing...he found it.

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Whats worse than getting knocked up? Finding out your Mother is a drugy living on the side of the road and your Dad is an acholic who diesnt care about you and realizes you might turn out the same way.

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How do you put 100 babys in a bucket? A blender

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why did the stupid blonde run straight into oncoming traffic? because there was a small child there that could have been seriously injured.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing, he's Jewish.

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what did the cheese say to the wall? nothing cheese can't talk.

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An Irish man willingly walks out of a bar

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What's worse than getting one of your hands cut off? Getting both of your hands cut off.

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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The only hand that can beat a royal flush is Chuck Norris's hand

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A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender picks up a newspaper and squishes him

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Guy 1: Are you alright? Guy 2: No, i'm half left!

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If thin people skinny dip, what do fat people do? Sink

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Congratulations, sir. The judge has determined that the charges of traffic violation against you were indeed incorrect, and you will be given a large sum of cash for your wasted time.

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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"Up to 50% off."

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Yo mama is so fat, she had to get liposuction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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