My Japanese girlfriend left me the other day... I am now depressed and have resorted to comfort eating.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? None, cus feminists can't change shit.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do call someone who kills their own children? Casey Anthony

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did Lindsay Lohan wear to her birthday dinner? -An Orange jumpsuit.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did Mr. Spock say when Captain Kirk was raping him? A: "Ouch! Ouch! Captain, this is so illogical!"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Clement: Hey love. Want to go out on a date? Patience: No. Clement: That's all right. Your agreement is not needed. *Clement ties up Patience's hands and feet, gags her and puts her in the back of his meat delivery van. He is planning to throw her into the sewers.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

omg this doesn't work 1.hold breath for 5 minutes 2.die it doesn't work cause you would just knock yourself unconconsiuse and your body will start breathing for you again until you wake up

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the tree cross the road? A woman crashed into it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

blind man walks into a . . . .. .

thumb_up thumb_down +3

a dyslexic Satan worshiper sold his soul to Santa

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q. What is green and has wheels? A. Grass, I was joking about the wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the plane crash? Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is black and hangs from the tree in my back yard? a moldy apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What is blue and smells like red paint? Blue paint!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

YOLO

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What's the difference between a basket of tennis balls and a basket of dead baby heads? A: One is used for the sport of tennis the other is a basket of tennis balls!

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man fuffers srom lysdexiea

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One of them I can whack with a hammer, the other is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The World Record For Longest Game of Hide and Seek goes to... Binladin

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did the man say to the bartender when he wanted a beer? Get me a beer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a salad. salads can't fly planes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

And I want you like Anne Frank wanted ... nobody to read her diary. Cuz, like a diary is a collection of secret things that no one else reads, that's the whole point of a diary. Millions of people have breached this little girl's privacy after she was chased by Nazis. Kick her while she's down.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops