My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is a great care-taker and I couldn't be more happy. Then she asked me to make her a sandwich, I went to the kitchen and into the knife drawer...well I think you can guess what happened after that. I cut the meats, and I made her a sandwich.

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Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Eating her curds and whey; Along came a spider, Who sat down beside her But was offered the window seat, Because this was Little Miss Muffet's stop

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A Holocaust joke? I did Nazi that coming...Anne, Frankly, I'm quite offended.

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, who keeps shitting in my garden?

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Uh, erm, uh...I don't know.

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Potato.

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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What do you call a black guy with a fan? An African American male Homo Sapien who is most likely hot and sweaty and is probably trying to create cold air and then reduce how hot they are likely reducing the sweat glands natural instict to create ameliorate of sweat and then make him feel better.

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Two cougars are at a nightclub. Suddenly, they attack and 8 patrons are mauled to death.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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The duck says do you smell poop. Ya says the chicken, it wasn't me It was the turkey

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What do you call a group of Mexicans crossing the U.S. border? A travel soccer team.

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helen keller's dad put a plunger in the toilet and left it there. helen then went to use the bathroom....

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Shortest Joke in the World? Well, just look down.

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How did Suzy die She choked on a Pick-Up Truck

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Why was Timmy sad?

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What do you call a pig with 57 nipples? 3 more nipples and you can call it a 60 nippled-pig

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Larry stopped by today to drop of a package. The package was a bomb. So I gave the "gift" to my neighbor for her birthday. My Mom is my neighbor.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to th party? Because he was dead.

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What did pikachu say when his trainer was murdered? Pikachu.

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Yeah, just went for more ice, its hot as hell here, and yeah its the weather, I dont mind you using valium, is that the same as Xanax? My mum uses it sometimes, she is afraid of heights and well, has to fly a lot so its complicated, if you dont mind, I have always wanted to know more about you so shall we?

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Romney 2012

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oh hiya come in

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Whats worse than a mother of 3 children, jumping off a bridge, smashing into the metal roof of a large car and dieing on impact? A mother of 3 children jumping off a bridge, smashes into the metal roof of a large car, survives,, becomes paralyzed, and has to explain to her children, why she is in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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