why did the chicken cross the road? because it felt like it!

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How do you drown a dumb blonde? Hold her underwater.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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How many dead babies can you fit in a child's swimming pool? 9 (Trust me, you won't be able to squeeze the tenth one in there.)

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In a stranded island, a plane crashes. Only one man survives. He asks himself "Where do I bury everybody else?" The others proceed to look at him strangely. He was the only surviving male.

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What do a fish and a helicopter have in common? Neither of them is a police officer.

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knock knock who's there? The police your family is dead

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What is James Miller's real name? James Miller.

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What did the catholic priest do to the little boy in the Confessions Took his confessions

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Why was little David sad? His father got hit by a truck.

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What's ugly and has shit smeared over its teeth? Smelly McD (He also wears bin bag clothes)

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What Do call a dog with an e A doge

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Why did the kid need glasses? A monkey threw a fridge at him.

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Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

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Q) How many times did the woman jump off the cliff? A) Once she died.

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What did Emmanuel Frimpong say to George Elokobi? you sir, are DENCH

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I'll take a Reuben, light sauce, and could you do Provolone instead of Swiss?

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charly ate an apple. the apple was filled with poison and charly died.

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What do you call an horse? A horse, because horse does not start with a vowel and that would be grammatically incorrect.

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How did the black kid pass his exam? He studied.

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whats worse than a baby impaled on your lawn... the universe being consumed by a giant albino ape with over sized testicles

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DEATH.

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2 Priests and a Monk walk into a bar, All 3 were stabbed to death in a bar fight.

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Yo Mama just died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops