Q: What goes up but doesn't come down? A: Columbia

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You take a survey of all citizens that live in the country of Mexico, find the wealth of each individual person, and whoever has the most money is the richest person in Mexico.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. -Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why didn't Hitler go to heaven? He killed millions of jews and was an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why didn't the TV turn on? Nobody switched it on.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why was the baby so hot? Napalm. Why was the baby so cold? Meat locker.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did Lucy fall off the swing? Someone chucked a fridge at her.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When life gives you lemons, squirt the juice in life's eyes. Then life won't trust you with lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was a boy named Johnson. He was a happy boy who had a mother and father who loved. One day he didn't do his homework

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I have read and agree to the Terms of Service.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what happens when you step on a bear trap? Alot of pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Here's a riddle: What can you catch, but not throw? A really heavy ball, or STDs.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Only people of high intelligence can laugh at anti jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

justin beiber is having intimate sex with a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

- What is worse than a baby in a trash bin ? - A baby in five trash bins.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is the difference between a black person and an elevator? Well, there are many differences such as the fact that an elevator has a series of wiring and mechanics, while a black man, and white men alike, are human beings.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did one Japanese man say to the other? I don't know, I don't speak Japanese.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did thomas make a big mess on the ground? Beacuse he fell of a cliff

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is white and tastes like cotton candy? Jizzz

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom says, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender replies, "Exactly. That's a health hazard. The health department already gave two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

the sky is green no it is not

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops