Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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what did the woman say? 'duhhh, i don't have a penis durr durr' (By the way, I'm trying to be not misogynistic, please let me know if you find this misogynistic in any way)

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An american, a mexican, and an asian are on a boat. The boat is sinking because it is too heavy. The people decide to throw off things that they have a lot of in their country. The asian throws rice off the boat saying, "We have plenty of rice at home." The mexican throws tacos off the boat saying, "We have plenty of tacos at home." The american throws out the mexican saying, "We have plenty of mexicans at home."

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Listen, I do not really care anymore, I admit it, I dont mind screwing with people, but if your name is Tifa, my name is lets see... Solid Snake, yeah, but call me big boss. Listen, be honest with me, if you do not trust me, just do not give me a random name, Tifa as in Tifa Lockheart? Final Fantasy? Wake up, girl/guy, you are losing your touch at this.

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So a black guy goes to college and doesn't steal anything or rape anyone. He has a 4.0 GPA and is one of the smartest students at Harvard University.

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Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it "NUuhHUhhuUUUuhhhuuuuumph!"

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Why did the man kill himself? Because he had a gun

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? 10. 3 in back, 2 up front and the rest in the ash tray.

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A: Knock, Knock B: Whos there? A: Noone, the door and the visitor are both existential figments of your imagination.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Yo mama so fat that you should maintain strong eye contact with her and not look at her body.

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what's round, hairy, has eight legs- but isn't a spider? A spider.

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Whats the difference between wayne rooney and shrek? Well, one, shrek is fictional. Two if he was fictional,he is green. Wayne rooney is not green. Three wayne rooney plays for a football team, surely shrek has no idea what football is. The list goes on.

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Why was the woman in the kitchen? Because she is enjoying the meal her husband has prepared for her after a long day at her second full-time job of the day

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Flowers are colors Love me

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How do you choke a lawyer? You squeeze his neck until he stops breathing.

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What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber

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Whats the difference between a baby and a sandwhich... I dont rape my sandwhiches before i eat them

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What did Superman say to Batman when they first met? Nothing. They are not real.

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Why did the little boy didn't finish his dinner? He died.

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Why did the booger throw a fit? Because it was getting picked on.

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cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccorn

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How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? ...You mean, you don't know?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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