Q. How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A. Actually woodchucks can't chuck wood only beavers can

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Knock Knock I have a door bell It's broken Oh

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What glows in the dark and is really annoying? A glow in the dark chimpanzee

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Why was the kid dizzy? He ran in a circle repeatedly.

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If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

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What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? Were both lawyers.

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How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

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Why'd the littler girl fall of the swing? because a drunk driver ran through the swing, the little girl was killed. he was later charged with manslaughter.

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i like punching orphans in the face, you wanna know why? what are they gonna do? tell their parents???

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I met a hot girl in the Tampon aisle and i asked if she wanted to hang out in 5-7 days

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Joseph Coney could die... or worse... he could do anything but that....

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2 drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Bu dum, cshhhh.

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What happens when Lord Voldemort tries to kill Harry Potter? He is unsuccessful.

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Ha ha. You've wasted your life, sucker!

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What did the librarian say at the heavy metal concert? Shhhhh

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Q: what did the man say to the woman? A: hi

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Your mommas so stupid she put a quarter into a parking meter and waited for a gumball to drop out.

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Why was the baby's face red? Because it was bloody.

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Where's the soap?

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How do you make a baby crawl in circles? Nail its hand to the ground

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What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs at night? An experimental animal mutilated then exposed to radiation.

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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