I hate when people see me at the store and are like "What are you doing here??" and Im just like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."

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So there's this white guy with a huge dick.

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What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

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I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I was raped by a giant scorpion...

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Why didn't the little girl show up for school? Because she was dead.

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I'm winning at Scrabble.

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When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

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ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

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What do you get when you cross a pug and a beagle? A cross pug and a cross beagle.

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Q: If 0+0=2 and four shampoo bottles is equal to two toaster strudels, how many pizza slices can Samuel eat? A: Winter because grass=6

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a clown, and clowns are scary.

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Why do elephant tusks stick out? For uprooting trees and bushes, and for defending their young.

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I was walking down a railway line the other day... I was fined £1000

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Kindly reject the offer and give it back to life.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, We've just had sex, Now you have aids too....

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what do you tell a black man getting hit by a police baton? that is racial inequality, and you no longer have to take that due to Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

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There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.

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whats worse than a paper cut? getting your head chopped off

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Why didn't the new baseball cap fit little Tommy? Because Tommy was decapitated

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A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender then lights him on fire.

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy, i have amnesia, i'm Skepta

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A man walks into a bar

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Why did Batman brush his teeth? So he wouldn't get bat breath

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How do you kill a domb blond? Shoot her in the head.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops