Q.what do you call a dead baby? A. a dead baby

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A homeless man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What will it be?" The homeless man says, "Nothing. I have no money."

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What was the asian person's name? I don't know, I never met him.

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Why didnt suzy give mary i high five? because i cut off her hand

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What did Voldermort say to harry potter? i raped you mum last night!

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a fat man walks out of mcdonalds

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Q: What did blue say to red? A: Let's make some purple

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Knock Knock Who's there? Can you sign for this package? Certainly

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What did the doctors tell the boy with cancer who is on his way to being released from the hospital? "you are going to die," why give him hope and be proved wrong. This way if they are wrong the whole situation is a miracle, if they are right..... "I told you so"

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Why did the President fall down? He was assassinated. -mattobrado

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Sorry wrong door.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")? When a picnic is postponed due to rain, or hired entertainment becomes unavailable at the last minute due to illness, or a book ends badly having started out well.

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What sucks more than being married? Being shot in both kneecaps

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Roses are red. Waffles are blue. Blue Waffle.

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A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway...

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Why can't Helen Keller read? Because she's a woman

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Why does the rabbit go in the hole? because that's where it lives.

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POOP.....People Order Our Patties

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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How do you ask a blonde out to dinner? Politely

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your momma is so poor that she is on welfare.

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Two penguins in a bath tub, one says "Pass me the soap" and the other one says "What do you think I am, a radio!"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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