how do you kill a bear. -you shoot it.

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Dylan Eichas

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Why did the blonde kid lose the spelling bee? Because she misspelled a word.

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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Q: What did the first kid say to the second kid before he handed him a pencil? A: May I have a pencil?

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how do you wake lady gaga up? you hit her in the face with a frying pan

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One day a horse goes to a bakery store and asks the shopkeeper for a fresh loaf of bread. Surprised at the request the shopkeeper asked - White bread or whole wheat? To which the horse replied - Makes no difference cause i rode my bicycle to work yesterday.

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Hey buddy what's up? I justed wanted to know if you wanted to hang out tonight. Just call me and tell me what you wanna do. Ok that's it see ya. Oh yeah! I gave your mom an STD...sorry dude...it just happened. I hope your dad isn't mad. Again, really sorry. Ok bye.

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how are a plum and a rabbit the same? they are both purple except the rabbit

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Every 60 seconds in Africa, a minute passes.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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Eating chicken off a baby's ass

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Whats is pathetic and just plain sad? Gas prices these days.

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You know whats funny? Things that aren't listed here.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Hey man how was your trip? great!!! It blew my mind

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Why was Jenny walking home alone from school? Because three years ago her parents were murdered brutally by a drug dealer and social services haven't yet realised that Jenny is still living in the empty house.

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What did the boy who succsesfully came out of liposection get? Diobeeties.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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roses are red violets are blue some poems rhyme this one doesn't

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Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Lean a ladder against the tree and reassure them if they are apprehensive.

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Whut r bacer dew? Eh muphin

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What do you call a guy who has sex with kids? A child molester

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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