What's even funnier than 24? A clown in a tree.

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How do you teach a black guy to swim? You sign him up for swimming lessons.

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What's Kanye West's goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

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Relax, anyway I hope its just the not not hypnotic suggestion, it would be really disappointing to to know that you are high on weed, even if it is very relaxing, not that I would know, I tried valium once, it kinda increased that sensation you have tenfold. Anyway, what I meant to say was, would you kindly tell me what size your breasts are? Do you shave down there?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

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A man is at the doctor's waiting to be examined. The doctor walks into the room and takes one look at the man. The Doctor says, "You will need to stop masturbating." The man looks at him and says, "What, why?" The doctor says, "so that I can examine you"

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Q: Why did the lady retire? A: Because she had been working for numerous years and felt that she needed to spend more time with her family.

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Is the glass half full or half empty? The liquid in the glass is not at exact half, so that question is not answerable.

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what did the little boy get from santa claus on christmas? nothing santa isnt real

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What starts with an 's' and ends with a 'hit'? Shortly after the war, 4 men went to celebrate at the local bar. They all had a grand time there, when a man in black walked into the bar. The man in black knocks once on the bar. "What do you want?" asked the bartender. The man in black didn't respond. This time, the bartender asked again, only louder. The man in black then turned to his right to face the 4 other men celebrating. The man in black then suddenly pulled out a pistol, and shot the 4th man. He then burst into a sprint and ran out of the bar. "He's hit," the 3rd man shouted, "he's hit!"

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs in the ocean? Dead.

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Math Problem: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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your dad called night and told me your grandpa died.

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "My face isn't long relative to the others of my species, it is actually quite normal."

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Q-What do you call a woman in the kitchen? A- A woman making me a damn sammich thats what.

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Why did the seal get confused when a spider tried to high five him? Because spiders have eight legs.

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what did mickee utley say to micheal bane cnb

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Dad: hi son Kid: (looks sad and looks at the ground) Dad: what's wrong son. Kid:I raped a girl. Dad:Who? Did you rape son! Kid:mom.

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Why did Sally fall of the swing? Breaking news! An 18 wheeler has gone loose and hit a playground damaging a swing, 1 fatality and 16 children injured 5 in critical condition

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Why did the parents order the 16 year old daughter to move out of Virginia? Because she lost her virginity

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what's the difference between a virginia, and steve keen? a virginia is,nt a knob

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What's the difference between a blonde and a microwave? If you don't know the difference you need a psychiatrist.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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