What do you tell a woman with two black guys? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partners and seek help.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

How do you make a business man cry? Hit him in the face with a brick

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A man scratches his ankle and says " my nuts are itchy" a woman looks at him questionly. realizing he had been watched, he lifted the bottom of his pant leg and showed to woman that he had stuffed his socks with pecans.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Roses are red, Violets are blue.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

what happens when a white guy goes to harlem he gets robbed by 5 to 10 black men

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What do you do if there's a black guy bleeding on your lawn? Help Him

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what is yellow with red all over tweety in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you make a baby cry? Break its legs.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what is the hardest part of eating a vegetable? the wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Why dont we just make fun of both? *mexican music plays*

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why are hurricanes named after women? They're wet and wild when they come and take your car and house when they leave.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Roses are red, Violets are blue. My mom went to the doctor and found out she has cancer, so when she told me, I was eccentric. That tree is green.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

If a quiz is a quizical then what is a test? an Exam.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

what did the downsindrome get for christmas?? A: Aids and a Dead wife

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man named Joe has practiced drawing cartoon characters his entire life. When Joe turns 15 he decides to enter a local drawing competeiton. Joe works very hard drawing his cartoon and finally finishes. When it is the time to hand in his drawing his drawing, he hands it in an receives a satisfying 2nd place and continues on with his life. Two years later Joe decides to enter another drawing competeiton (this one much more competitive) after his drawing skills have tremendously increased. He begins drawing and is 3/4 of the way finished when Joe is brutally murdered by a mentally disturbed man and cannot hand in his art work and is therefore disqualified from the competeiton and loses.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

So there's this bigass moose, and it goes in the store and it asks the lady bitch "where the potatoes at" and the lady bitch says "down aisle 5" so the moose goes down to isle 5 and there aint no potatoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A man walks into a bar. He's an alcoholic, and it's destroying he's family

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats funnier than a dead baby?... a dead baby dressed as a clown whats funnier than that?... A pile of dead babies dreesed as clowns Whats funnier than that?... that the baby in the bottom of the pile is alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both live underground apart from the eagle.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A young boy walks into a catholic church, he attends mass, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why was the little girl blowing bubbles in the swimming pool? Because she was drowning

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did the chicken cross the road? Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertently left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distracted of late. Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removers van as it attempted to make its way home. Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman. "Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flies". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most iridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

thumb_up thumb_down +222

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops