What did the little boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A Drumset.

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Potato.

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How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

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Why did the elephant fall down? He was shot by poachers.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

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Roses are green Violets are grey Tulips are a lighter grey I am colorblind.

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How do u get a baby to stop crawling in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor

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Why Do cats purr when you pet them? I'm actually asking a question there I don't know why.

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One time at band camp, I advanced my clarinet skill, which led me to have a good life.

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Why did the man have 3 girlfriends? A: because he is a womanizer

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whats the best kind of chocolate bar? a larsbar

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How do you get through a locked door? Unlock it.

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Why couldn't Jimmy have his birthday party at the park? Because little Jimmy passed away several months ago from the result of a vicious genocide committed by a man who didn't properly understand the affect that maiming human beings has on the friends and family members of the person; he was sentenced to jail for a fair and reasonable time for the punishment of the crime he committed in the past.

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This one time at band camp....I put a flute in it's proper storage compartment.

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Why did the old man fart?? Because he had gas

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Why did the depressed man complain about life? He didn't he committed suicide.):

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Knock, Knock Open the fucking Door

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Whats worse than finding one worm in your apple? Two worms.

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sorry son your nanas been put down

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Actually a lot because a pizza is a pizza andna Jew is a human.

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose fell on your head." ..."MMMBBWWAAAAAGGGHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Aodhan Hearty

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How do you wake up Lady GaGa? You poke-poke-poker face

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Why did Sally fall off the swing set? Because sally has no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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