Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread

thumb_up thumb_down +19

So a chef, a soldier, and a lawyer are riding in a plane. The pilot has a heart attack and they all die.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the football coach say to fire up his team? Nothing. He was not legally allowed to say anything to his team as they were being locked out by the coach's boss, the owner of the team and anything that he said to them could lose him his job.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you kill a black guy? Shoot him in the temple

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: You open the door put the giraffe in and the close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: You open the door to the refrigerator take the giraffe out then put the elephant in and close the door. Q: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend but one, which one is it? A: The elephant it's in the fridge Q: You have to cross a river that is inhabited by crocodiles how do you cross it? A: You swim across, the crocodiles are at the animal conference.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the paraplegic roll his wheelchair up a steep hill? Because he's crippled.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Have you heard the one about the three tailed salamander that fell off a bridge? I haven't either.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

13

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why couldn't the Indian kid read? He got shot in the eye.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cripling social anxiety.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Lebron James say to Brad Pitt? "What's up, Brad?"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

a duck walks in to a Chinese restaurant and the cut his head off

thumb_up thumb_down +2

My children are mistakes

thumb_up thumb_down -23

What did the disrespectful cow say to his parents? Mooo. I hate you both

thumb_up thumb_down -15

So this old redneck is sitting on his porch when he sees this boy walking down the road and hollers "What you got there boy?" "Chicken wire." "What you gonna do with that?" "Gonna catch me some chickens." The old guy thought: Dumb boy. You can't catch no chickens with chicken wire. Later that evening he sees the same boy walking with a bunch of chickens. The next day he sees the same boy walking with duct tape. "What you got there boy?" "Duct tape" The boy replies. "Gonna catch me some ducks." The old man leaned back and thought. "Dumb boy, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Later that evening he sees the boy walking with a bunch of ducks. The next day he sees the same boy and hollers: "What you got there boy?" "I got me some pussy willow." The old man hollers: "Hold on, let me get my hat."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

i lyk 2 eet pup

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A: Did you know that cashews come from a fruit? B: Not really. This is an interesting fact. Any other facts you have? A: yes ("A" was lying)

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do JFK and Hitler have in common? They died.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's better than finding a $5.00 bill on the floor? Finding the person who actually owns it.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Do you believe in magic? cuz i do.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the mexican choose to work as a landscaper instead of at taco bell? landscaping pays much better and was a more practical decision in this economy to support his family of 13.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the horse go to the doctor? It had a heart disease.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops