what did the African baby get for his birthday?..... AIDS

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Hey i just met you and this is crazy i suck at rhyming door knob

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Why did Lisa let go of the monkey bars? she was being molested

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How big is kevins Dick? Idk ask his mom!

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A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

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CHIIIICKKIIIIIIIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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A man is walking on a beach when he finds a golden lamp. He rubs it and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man he will grant three wishes. The man wastes his wishes on material goods that do not bring him happiness.

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Q Why did the feminist cross the road? A To suck my dick

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there was no oncoming traffic.

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Q: What did one water bottle say to another water bottle? A: Nothing. Water bottles are inanimate objects and are thus unable to communicate.

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Who swept the woman off her feet? A kidnapper

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Neither has he.

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What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

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What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in an elevator? A nun with a spear through her back

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Jacob Black and Edward Cullen show up at your house. You tell your best girl friend and she has you admitted to a psych ward because everyone knows they are fictional characters!

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Why did the giant try to eat the magical rainbow? A: Because the apocalypse is predicted for the Wednesday after santa gets shot by the evil jolly ice cream man which in secret is cheating on his wife who in turn eats every human baby ever known to man. duhhhhh

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why cant Joey jump for joy? beacause hes dead

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What did one viking say to the other viking? I don't know, it was in Danish

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Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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