A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Today I was reading anti jokes. At first I didn't get it, but then I figured it out and...ah crap, why am I writing this, it's just going to get thumbed down...

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.

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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.

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Why did the blond get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing.

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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a man walks into a bar.... his? drinking problem is seriously affecting his family

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why couldnt the little boy watch two and a half men? because charlie sheen left and the other guy had surgeery and now has 2 penises

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There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.

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When life gives you lemons, make a lemon and tamarind chutney.

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Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is Patrick.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Yo mama is so stupid, she believes in god. God isn't real.

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What do you call a woman with one leg? I don't know. I am not in the position, currently, of knowing anyone who finds themselves in such an unfortunate condition.

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Man goes to doctor, says he's depressed. The world is bleak and hopeless and life just isn't worth living. The doctor thinks for a second then smiles. "Treatment is simple he says, the great clown Pagliacci is in town. Go see him, that should pick you up." The man bursts into tears, sobs hysterically like a child, "But doctor," he says. "I am Pagliacci."

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What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Domestic violence is a crime. She should leave her abusive partner and seek help.

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Whats green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? Hit him with an axe

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Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

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A Chinese man, an Italian man and a French man are sitting in a plane. They arrive in Los Angeles with a 23 minute delay due to atmospheric conditions

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Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

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Your mother is so stupid that she was tested and proved to be mentally retarded.

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Today I decided to burn alot of calories. So I found a fat kid and lit him on fire.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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