how do you kill a blonde? shoot her in the face with a pistol

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar, sits down and talks to the woman sitting next to him. The woman took out a cigarette, and offered one to the man. The man said yes, even though he never smoked before, because he was trying to get with the woman. They smoked a few more before the woman left, and the man left shortly after. The man became a chain smoker and died 1 year later from lung cancer caused by smoking multiple packs a day.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Did you hear the one about the koala bear that fell out of the tree? Yeah it died.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the Mexican cross the border? He wanted to live a better life in pursuit of freedom and a better job.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why does your mom not love you.... Because she is not your real mom.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the bartender say to the three-legged Irishman? What can I get you?

thumb_up thumb_down

A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The duck says that he should get his doctor on the phone because his hullucinations are getting worse.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What do you call a black man flying an airplane? A pilot.... ya' damn racist!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't the mexican buy a boat? Because he couldn't afford it

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock, Knock Whos there? Docter Docter who? Yes its me, Craig Who your docter, I have the test results back Im afriad its positive,you've only got a few months left

thumb_up thumb_down

When you give your homecoming date flowers, you're really handing them a bouquet of sex organs

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Your mamas so fat, that any level of physical exercise is strenuous, but also mentally challenging, as she feels that there is a negative astigmatism attached to sweaty, red-faced overweight individuals trying to burn those pounds. This in turn makes her ashamed of the gastronomically decadent life she once lived, and so she doesn't have the confidence to try and reverse the damage she did during those insecure teenage years, instead comforting herself with the sugary, fatty bane of her life. She therefore lives in a vicious circle, angry at herself and the society that won't accept her. But remaining incredibly, repulsively fat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I LIKE TRAINS

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

thumb_up thumb_down -32

a young cow was sitting on a bench until her husband shot her after that he said to the farmer 'i will get the milk than you cut the udders and then maranade them

thumb_up thumb_down

A very unattractive girl bent over in front of me. I proceeded to be sick, and then I choked on my sick. I died. My family mourn my death every day.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

69

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? I don't have a last name.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the boy get hit by a bus? Because he was standing in front of the bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

How many dead babies can you fit in a mini? It is variable according to the size of each baby.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What was even more disgusting than the holocaust? Lucy's new shoes.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Person 1: "Ask me if I'm a rock." Person 2: "Are you a rock?" Person 1: "No."

thumb_up thumb_down +10

yo mama so fat, she weighs 478 pounds and is in high risk of cardiovascular dieses and/or heart failure.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did one banana say to the other banana? Answer: It didnt say anything because bananas are inanimate objects, so it isn't humanly possible for a banana to speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops