What did the douche bag get for Christmas?

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Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? A: None. Woodchucks do not have opposable thumbs and cannot grasp or throw anything, so the point is moot unless they evolve thumbs for the sole purpose of chucking wood.

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What did the Jew do before the movie? He turned off his cell phone.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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What did one muffin say to the other muffin? Oh my gosh a talking muffin.

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A sloth walked into the dentists he was confused

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How its supposed to go: Knock knock Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mopwho? How my friend Cassidy did it: Knock knock Who's there? I eat my poo! Oh wait I screwed up.

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What's worse than 10 babies in one bin? 1 baby in 10 bins.

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three lesbians on a plane they were all responsible and had sex when they got home and not on the plane

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did you hear the joke about the vagina ....... you'll never get it

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Ding Dong! Who's the - - - wait - - - I don't have a doorbell.

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What's better then 100 dead babies in a barrel 1 dead baby in 100 barrels

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Why can't you fly? Because Chuck Norris said so.

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A duck walks into a bar and asks for water. The bartender asks,"How would you like to pay?" And do you know what he said? "Charge it to the game."

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: he has a disabling disease. It's called ALS.

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"Doctor," I said while poking my head, "My head hurts!" I poked my knee. "My knee hurts, too!" Then I tried touching my arm. "OW! So does my arm!" I even tried poking my teeth. "OUCH! Even my teeth hurt! What will I do Doctor?" "That's easy," said the Doctor, "I'll fix your finger right away."

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Knock knock Who's there? 7. And if that's you in there, 6, you better start praying.

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Knock knock It's open

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Why is Joe is ugly? I dont Know

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A horse enters a bar. The bartender looks at the horse and says "Why the harness?"

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What is the difference between a refrigerator? Seven anchors because blue isn't vital for turtles to fornicate.

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Joey: hey bobby who you talking to? Bobby: oh yeah I forgot to tell you your mom died.

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what do you call 10 dead babys lunch

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There are 2 muffins sitting in an oven. Neither of the muffins say anything because muffins can't talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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