Jesus was nailed to the cross by Roman guards... His disciples were kept behind a line of guards and they could not hear Jesus speak. They can see he was saying something, so they had to get closer to hear what he was saying. John dodged a guard and ran towards Jesus, but a guard cut his leg off with a sword... Peter ran for it and got past John but another guard cut off one of his legs... Matthew saw this opportunity to dodge both guards and jets past both John and Peter and gets to the foot of the cross... Jesus looks down at Matthew and says, "Matthew.... I can see your house from here!"

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roses are red, violets are blue, my name is dave, this poem makes no sense, microwave.

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What's the difference between a duck and a belt? One floats in water and I don't remember the rest but you are a whore.

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What did the fish say when it hit the wall? "Dam."

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Why did the father beat his daughter? To alleviate stress.

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Why didn't Jimmy go to school? Because his school was nuked.

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why did the pirate not get in to the pirate movie it was rated arrrrrr

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Why is it as hot as the sun? Because it is the sun

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Diarrhea

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waiter there's a fly in my alphabet soup that's not a fly that's a spelling bee

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What is blue and has clouds in it? The sky.

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What do a white dog and a black dog have in common? They're both white...except for the black one

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What type of vision does an Asian person have? 0-0 because he is blind

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Why was the boy with a green and blue collared shirt holding a bottle of rice dead at the bottom of the sea? Because he was pushed of a boat and couldn't swim.

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How do two blondes stay alive at the bottom of a pool for 30 minutes? They don't and they died

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Knock Knock Who's there? Luke Futie

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Why "Is Bart Simpson Yellow Its The Only Crayon The Illustrator had

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keep your eye off me if you dont look at me, how do you know i looked at you? there is a mirror

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Why did alfred crap his pants? because he had downs

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What's the difference between a duck? An armchair because the vest has no sleeves.

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Q: What did one dog say to the other dog? A: "Bitch!"

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whats red and black and green all over? a paint job gone bad

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Why did the Black Man sit at the back of the bus? Because all the other seats were taken.

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Whats brown and sticky? Shit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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