Want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind it's too long.

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What did the monkey say to the garbage collector? Eiiiiijajajaajaja EIIIIJAAAA

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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. But it wasn't as good as he had hoped it would be.

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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

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How does a black guy call to another black guy in Africa? using a telephone

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you will now laugh.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, What are you doing, I'm ithyphallophobic.

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A man and a dog were sitting on a hill, the dog says to the man "Nice weather we are having today isn't it?" The man then goes insane because dogs can't talk, then later commits suicide from depression caused by his wife leaving him.

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Q: Why did the man have no legs? A: He lost them when his humvee hit a roadside bomb during his last tour in Iraq.

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What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

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Ask me if i am a tree are you a tree? no

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What's white or grey or brown or green or black or yellow or purple ? Could be almost anything, really.

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Women's Rights.

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Nobody cares.

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what is white and black and red all over? a half eaten penguin

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She got shot.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your ugly

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There was once a joke without a proper ending and so

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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Why did the Mexican guy run to the hospital? Because it was faster than walking.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Dr. Fishbourne Dr. Fishbourne? Yea, I've come to inform you that your son has committed suicide due to lack of parental care and love.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Pour it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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