What do you do when life gives you lemons? Life is an abstract object incapable of handing out gifts, thus if given a lemon by life you should go to a doctor to make sure you don't have an undiagnosed disease.

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Nobody cares.

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A teacher notices one of her students clutching a cat. She asks him why. The boy, tearfully, explains that he heard his father tell his mother that he was going to eat her pussy when the kids left for school. The teacher laughs and, the class being 10-11 years old thereby at an age approaching biological curiosity, decides to mix this in with a sex education video she was planning on showing them a few weeks later. She then phones the boy's parents who come to collect the cat while reassuring the boy that it is in no danger. The cat was popular with the boy's classmates and they would often go to visit him as a result. Many years later, just after the boy started attending university, the cat was put to sleep at the age of 13 due to liver cancer. The boy placed a Facebook post in honour of his feline friend, which was spotted by a former classmate of his in a routine search who happened to be attending the same university. They ended up reacquainting and beginning a sexual relationship, which was how the boy lost his virginity and eventually blossomed into a 37-year marriage resulting in three children.

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Why does no one we talk about Nagasaki, they got bombed too...

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your ugly

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She got shot.

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A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

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A fish swims up stream for his natural spawning cycle. The fish was out of shape and died from heart failure.

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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Why did the Mexican guy run to the hospital? Because it was faster than walking.

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Society.

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How do you get a baby out of a blender? Pour it.

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Knock Knock? Who's there? Dr. Fishbourne Dr. Fishbourne? Yea, I've come to inform you that your son has committed suicide due to lack of parental care and love.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple.

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I'm banging your sister.

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what a filthy dirty mess also dirt

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Why could the red-haired boy sing higher notes than the blonde-haired boy? He was castrated at birth.

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Whats brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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What did the kid say when you gave him a cookie? Thank you.

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What do you call a guy being followed by about 30 others with high powered rifles? A military general serving for his country.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have ADHD, Oh look a butterfly...

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Where's my tractor?

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything is black, I am blind.

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What did Hitler say to his men before they got in the tanks? Get in the tanks

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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