A guy walks in to a bar and says "ow"

thumb_up thumb_down +8

How do you kill a polar bear? You melt the polar ice caps and take a rope and choke it till it is out cold. You then put a plastic bag over its head and throw it in the water.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man is walking down the street when he stumbles upon a school, every school in the area had an American flag outside it, so he sees the flag and atop this flag a man is sitting and he doesn’t look comfortable. Next to the flag pole is a chair with a flag attached to it and the wind is as strong low down. So he looks at the man and says "Sir I think you may be using those wrong." The man on the flagpole says "why?" So he says well this chair is flat and made for sitting and this flag pole has a draw string for the flag. The man atop the flag pole says "I'm sure good will come of this…..im sure." the man says "What good could possibly come of this!" and the man on top of the flag pole looks at him and says "Later……………..you can tell this story to your friends and disappoint them when they find out theirs no punchline."

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why was Jimmy upset? Someone kept pouring liquid nitrogen on him.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock Whose there? Get out of the bathroom Get out of the bathroom who? No, your in the bathroom

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Josh Hamilton walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's the difference between a computer and a television?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q-How do you kill an elephant? A- An elephant gun Q- How do you kill a blue elephant? A- A blue elephant gun Q- How do you kill a red elephant? A- Strangle it until it turns blue then use a blue elephant gune Q- How do you kill a purple elephant?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock knock! Who's there? Elton. Elton who? Elton John

thumb_up thumb_down +8

why?

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Women Voting

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A horse walked into a bar. Animal control was immediately called and the horse was returned to it's original owner.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you get if you cross a sheep and a kangeroo??? ... A sheep cannot be crossed with a kangaroo because the genes from sheep cannot work with genes from a kangaroo to produce hybrid sheegaroos or kangareeps.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What's worse than a truckload of dead babies? Wait a week.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? the black baby is black

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Geuss what? Bob is wide awake and he likes strawberries but he didn't have any strawberries so he ate a hamburger but fred wanted a hamburger but bob ate it so he just ate bob but bob was wide awake so he saw fred eating him so he called the pigs to come and eat fred because pigs eat anything but the pigs had already eaten their daily freds so they ate bob because they hadn't already eaten their daily bob but fred had already eaten bob so they got angry at fred so they just ate him anyway but then they got fat so a wolf ate them but then some hunters killed the wolf and ate it so they are actually eating a hamburger because the wolf ate the pigs and the pigs ate fred and fred ate bob and bobb ate a hambuger but he actually likes strawberries.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a man with no legs and arms hanging on your wall? Art

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did the Ethiopian get for christmas? Hepatitis B.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mother is so old that her prom theme was fire

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did Mary fall of the tire swing? Because she's a dumbass

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats black and has wheels a black man i lied about the wheels

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than finding twelve dead babies nailed to a tree? One living baby nailed to twelve trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops