If Selfish Sam has twelve cookies and Tricky Todd asks for three then how many cookies does sam have left? Twelve. Remember he's selfish

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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BIble verses: (secret bible code breaker edition) 90.01: Might thy level of power rise above the scouter of Vegebles 3.14: Thy shall make use of pee 6:9 Oral interaction is good for thee. 9:6: Peter said, lordeth this is no good, then the lordet said, try 6:9 and all was good. 6.66 Calleth upon this number on thy cell to speak with the beast. 9:11 This number shall aid you when in danger if thy have a cell, but not against the fallen by and Al Caida. 8:00 Call upon thy cellphone at no cost. 5.99 Thy use of plays of station three, areth too expensive... Whoops! Amen and RIIIIIIIIIIDGE RACER! 50:50 Thy shall share equally. 6:19: Thy shall use thy wrestling moves well. 20:00 Thy shall noth uset this windows version as it sucketh.' 88:88 Thy shall create four equal snowmen for me. 12.34 Read this and thy shall learn to count til four. 7:77 The number of the luck. X:B0X: It sucketh hard. 3:60 it sucketh far more than the original 9:99 Is the number to defeateth the beast while he is resting upside down 0:13 "and samuel said, but oh lord, I am a teen now!" And the lord agreed and all was good. Ok, I got to decode my bible further, yes indeed!

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Roses are red,violets are blue, i love the colour red and green but its a pitty because im not so keen.

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A Chinese man... pulling another Chinese man in one of those carts behind him.

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There's a cat, a dog, a rat and a goat... I don't know how the goat got in there?

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Why did the Harry Potter fan cry in school? She ran out of tampons.

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what did the sock say to the shoe? Get your tongue off me.

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When Gronkowski spikes the ball, 20 children die.

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Why are anti jokes so funny? Because they are not

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What's black and white all over and has a mouth? A Zebra

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Whats the difference between a Corvette and a dead bag of babies. -there's not a Corvette in my garage

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Why did Amy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Amy

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A blonde woman, a brunette woman and a redhaired woman walk into a bar. They can be considered fiscally responsible because it was two for one Ladie's Night.

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A man walks into a bar and poops his pants. He left because of the embarrassment.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because death was certain if it didn't.

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What do you call a black man playing a bass guitar? A bassist.

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You mothers so ghetto, you died.

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George Lopez never said anything funny in his life.

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How do you make a plumber cry? I'm sorry but our princess is in another castle.

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What do you get when you add a cucumber some vinegar some salt and you get..... Macaroni and cheese

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Dad: Blind side was the black kid who played tight end. Me: Offensive line. Dad: Sorry, African American kid.

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What did the Little 8 year old boy do when a big black man walked into his house? He said "Hi daddy", then they happily ate dinner together.

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children are much like potatoes. when you eat them, they die.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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